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greenstormMy relationship style requires faith of me.
It requires faith in the people I'm close to, that they're trying to do their best, that they're competent to do a fair job, that they care for me, that they wil care for me in the future. It's a faith that can't easily be propped up by the traditional ways of the thing.
More than that, though, these people that I love inspire faith in me.
I've never had faith in human beings in my life. I've never really had reason to; they tried their best, perhaps, for themselves if not to help me, and they were desperately flawed. They weren't there. They were too busy, too tied up in their own misery to give me the things I needed and wanted from them.
And so, I stopped having faith. But, when I don't have faith in others, they've no way of fulfilling that faith and thus strenghtening it. They can't not betray me, because I'm not trusting them far enough to allow them to make a betrayal.
This allows me to stay far away, and leaves my faith unfired, a small dead thing.
I use the word faith carefully, winnowed out of a number of others like trust and belief for its mystical and spiritual overtones. Faith is a religious thing, a belief in something larger than oneself. Now that I am learning trust, just a little bit, I can feel the difference between the two: trust is a practical feeling, a peek into a supposed future, whereas faith is like lying cradled in a giant pair of hands and closing your eyes. It's assuming, without guessing at the how of it, that everything will somehow turn out alright.
I have faith in the web of loved ones that holds me. I have faith in my life. And, when I reach my feelers out to the edges of myself and find that I'm fulfilled and happy, that faith is increased.
Believe in me,
Help me believe in anything,
Cause I wanna be someone
Who believes...
(Counting Crows, for Breklor, Mister Jones)
I'm becoming someone who believes, not because it's been proven over and over in the past, but because belief in a worthy thing makes life worth living. It's good, if bumpy at times when I reach for faith and find that it's not there, or when something bad happens -- it always works that way, does it not? But I've found it again, so far.
We'll see.
Be well.
It requires faith in the people I'm close to, that they're trying to do their best, that they're competent to do a fair job, that they care for me, that they wil care for me in the future. It's a faith that can't easily be propped up by the traditional ways of the thing.
More than that, though, these people that I love inspire faith in me.
I've never had faith in human beings in my life. I've never really had reason to; they tried their best, perhaps, for themselves if not to help me, and they were desperately flawed. They weren't there. They were too busy, too tied up in their own misery to give me the things I needed and wanted from them.
And so, I stopped having faith. But, when I don't have faith in others, they've no way of fulfilling that faith and thus strenghtening it. They can't not betray me, because I'm not trusting them far enough to allow them to make a betrayal.
This allows me to stay far away, and leaves my faith unfired, a small dead thing.
I use the word faith carefully, winnowed out of a number of others like trust and belief for its mystical and spiritual overtones. Faith is a religious thing, a belief in something larger than oneself. Now that I am learning trust, just a little bit, I can feel the difference between the two: trust is a practical feeling, a peek into a supposed future, whereas faith is like lying cradled in a giant pair of hands and closing your eyes. It's assuming, without guessing at the how of it, that everything will somehow turn out alright.
I have faith in the web of loved ones that holds me. I have faith in my life. And, when I reach my feelers out to the edges of myself and find that I'm fulfilled and happy, that faith is increased.
Believe in me,
Help me believe in anything,
Cause I wanna be someone
Who believes...
(Counting Crows, for Breklor, Mister Jones)
I'm becoming someone who believes, not because it's been proven over and over in the past, but because belief in a worthy thing makes life worth living. It's good, if bumpy at times when I reach for faith and find that it's not there, or when something bad happens -- it always works that way, does it not? But I've found it again, so far.
We'll see.
Be well.
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Wonderful
Date: 2003-10-22 12:14 pm (UTC)It cannot agree more that faith is one of the better words in the description of poly.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-22 03:48 pm (UTC)I guess I don't have a lot of faith. I'm not sure it's something I can have right now.
Thanks, though. :)
*hugs*
BTW: LTNS!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-22 09:08 pm (UTC)*hugsback*
And: something about an acronym?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 06:42 am (UTC)Maybe it's just me.
And as for the acronym... Lethal Tango Ninja Society.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-23 12:46 am (UTC)Like This Nice Straightjacket?
Love To Nuzzle Screwdrivers?
Limber Twins Need Sex?
Linux Turns Noobs Silly?
Linebackers Take No Sausage?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-23 06:19 am (UTC)Long Time No See, actually. :)
Mouse, Slightly Silly Party
Date: 2003-10-23 12:58 am (UTC)Limners Treasure Naughty Sketches!
Re: Mouse, Slightly Silly Party
Date: 2003-10-23 06:21 am (UTC)*moment of companionable almost-silence*
Date: 2003-10-23 12:50 am (UTC)