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greenstormMy ride 'home' to Kelowna fell through for today, so it looks like I'm going up tomorrow instead. While I'm working today, that means I'm at a loose end tomorrow unless I can convince Bob to call in sick to work. Maybe I'll do gardening. Heh. The garden could use some work here. I called Ezra and asked him to check on the ratties-- that's really the only thing I'm worried about there. Well, the ratties and the fact that this leaves Ezra with a whole lot of days without a break in a row.
I hunted around and found some roasted dandelion root to make dandelion coffee, but guess what? It's one of the most expensive dried herbs out there. I guess everyone is as annoyed with digging up the things as I am. Oh, well, it's incentive.
This is really feeling like Wreck Beach weather to me, though I admit that I haven't been outside yet today. Anyone else think so? It's odd, the air is so much moister here, I never really understood what that meant before. Now I do. Dryness doesn't so much moderate the sensation of temperature as it moderates the effect on your body-- in Kelowna cold doesn't effect me as much, nor does heat. You feel the sun more there, too, it's as much an element as water. The sensation of standing ini the sun with half your body hot from it and the other half cold from the air is such an engaging one.
That's more or less all trivia, though.
I'm happy, more rather than less, though everyone has those moments. Coming back from such comparative isolation into a crowd where I can't get away is both wonderful and, sometimes, a little overwhelming. I think I'm unlearning some of the automatic interpersonal lubricant that several years of intense polyamory ground into me. I need to be more mindful about that. I'm also lonely up there a fair bit, but the garden does keep me busy and I'm not sure there's necessarily *time* for too much interpersonal. It's not a bad lonelines anyhow, not sharp and shattering or anything like that, just an empty space when I reach out sometimes.
I'm healthy up there too, strong and sunned and well-fed. The difference between all the food I eat up there and meals made down here from pre-processed stuff loaded with sugar and dairy and fine carbs (and believe you me, even bread made in a store, or pasta in a package is pre-processed in the sense I mean) makes a hude difference to my serenity of mind and just to the wholeness and strength of my body. I find myself sleepy after meals down here, crabby and manic when I don't eat, buoyant when I do. This winter is going to be a hard one, because I'll need to figure out how to bring my diet back down here. A deep freeze, grassfed beef, frozen veggies from the garden, and a sack of beans are definitely on the list, though.
I found a wonderful, wonderful drum in ten thousand villages on the drive. It seems to be a 'bayan' or 'duggi' (the left-hand drum from a tabla set) and it is the most expressive, resonant, reactive thing I've ever touched. I feel sort of ...I don't know, any sounds I can make measured against *tabla music* are hopelessly inadequate, but just for plain *drumming* the thing is amazing. It's so good.
How many hundred times have I mentioned my super-amazing kick-ass baked beans?
Now I need to eat and go to work. It's good seeing you guys around-- there were so many people at Sin, it was pretty wonderful, and I haven't danced in so long. I'd missed it. There was some lovely tension that evening, it being Bob and my anniversary Sin (a year ago he got really drink and took me home, and here we are) so I got to feel tugged between going home early and more dancing. Hah. What a terrible conflict. ;)
Anyhow, enough with that. Someone explained Beltane to me after the fact and though I don't go into that sort of structured religious stuff I agree, it is that time of year. Spring is so here.
I hunted around and found some roasted dandelion root to make dandelion coffee, but guess what? It's one of the most expensive dried herbs out there. I guess everyone is as annoyed with digging up the things as I am. Oh, well, it's incentive.
This is really feeling like Wreck Beach weather to me, though I admit that I haven't been outside yet today. Anyone else think so? It's odd, the air is so much moister here, I never really understood what that meant before. Now I do. Dryness doesn't so much moderate the sensation of temperature as it moderates the effect on your body-- in Kelowna cold doesn't effect me as much, nor does heat. You feel the sun more there, too, it's as much an element as water. The sensation of standing ini the sun with half your body hot from it and the other half cold from the air is such an engaging one.
That's more or less all trivia, though.
I'm happy, more rather than less, though everyone has those moments. Coming back from such comparative isolation into a crowd where I can't get away is both wonderful and, sometimes, a little overwhelming. I think I'm unlearning some of the automatic interpersonal lubricant that several years of intense polyamory ground into me. I need to be more mindful about that. I'm also lonely up there a fair bit, but the garden does keep me busy and I'm not sure there's necessarily *time* for too much interpersonal. It's not a bad lonelines anyhow, not sharp and shattering or anything like that, just an empty space when I reach out sometimes.
I'm healthy up there too, strong and sunned and well-fed. The difference between all the food I eat up there and meals made down here from pre-processed stuff loaded with sugar and dairy and fine carbs (and believe you me, even bread made in a store, or pasta in a package is pre-processed in the sense I mean) makes a hude difference to my serenity of mind and just to the wholeness and strength of my body. I find myself sleepy after meals down here, crabby and manic when I don't eat, buoyant when I do. This winter is going to be a hard one, because I'll need to figure out how to bring my diet back down here. A deep freeze, grassfed beef, frozen veggies from the garden, and a sack of beans are definitely on the list, though.
I found a wonderful, wonderful drum in ten thousand villages on the drive. It seems to be a 'bayan' or 'duggi' (the left-hand drum from a tabla set) and it is the most expressive, resonant, reactive thing I've ever touched. I feel sort of ...I don't know, any sounds I can make measured against *tabla music* are hopelessly inadequate, but just for plain *drumming* the thing is amazing. It's so good.
How many hundred times have I mentioned my super-amazing kick-ass baked beans?
Now I need to eat and go to work. It's good seeing you guys around-- there were so many people at Sin, it was pretty wonderful, and I haven't danced in so long. I'd missed it. There was some lovely tension that evening, it being Bob and my anniversary Sin (a year ago he got really drink and took me home, and here we are) so I got to feel tugged between going home early and more dancing. Hah. What a terrible conflict. ;)
Anyhow, enough with that. Someone explained Beltane to me after the fact and though I don't go into that sort of structured religious stuff I agree, it is that time of year. Spring is so here.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-14 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-14 05:52 pm (UTC)Somehow the phrasing "that sort of structured religious stuff" amused me and saddened me both at once. The turn of phrase made me smile a little. There are times in watching you when you seem to be *simultaneously* desperate for structure as an anchor and yet terrified that once you get into a structure you'll find it too constricting. To some extent, I suppose it comes down to how one defines freedom, and what one is seeking freedom form, or freedom for.