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greenstormI was speaking earlier about hope. I don't remember what I said; I'm tired, and being tired always forces me very much into the present, into current focus, and squeezes everything else out of the way. I think that's why I keep myself so busy, sometimes, so I can remain *tired* but *present*. It's so easy to be distracted by the mental cloud.
I wanted to say, though, that I feel hopeful sometimes now. It's sort of a tearing feeling sometimes, because changing that sort of habit *does* tear, but it's there.
The things I want from my life *are* changing. They aren't changed, yet, but they are on their way. I wonder where I am going? I wonder what it will look like? There will be more to it than day-after-day, I know that, although there generally is more to my life than just one day after another.
I think this is how it feels to be going forward deliberately into my future rather than being afraid of it and hanging back or clinging with a death-grip to the present. I still can't see the future, but it feels like a good place to be. Friendly.
So does the inside of my skin. I'm at home here. Oh, but it's been a long time.
I wanted to say, though, that I feel hopeful sometimes now. It's sort of a tearing feeling sometimes, because changing that sort of habit *does* tear, but it's there.
The things I want from my life *are* changing. They aren't changed, yet, but they are on their way. I wonder where I am going? I wonder what it will look like? There will be more to it than day-after-day, I know that, although there generally is more to my life than just one day after another.
I think this is how it feels to be going forward deliberately into my future rather than being afraid of it and hanging back or clinging with a death-grip to the present. I still can't see the future, but it feels like a good place to be. Friendly.
So does the inside of my skin. I'm at home here. Oh, but it's been a long time.
