Hermitting (A Delicate Balance)
Jan. 21st, 2008 02:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI've pretty much got my body back. The lack of functionality's gone, I'm not tired all the time, I'm not sick, I have energy most of the time, I can eat food, I can breathe, I can maintain an appropriate body temperature. This things are pretty awesome.
Over the winter holidays, though, I didn't get out at all just because I was so sick. I went to the New Years' party encased in a mental haze, and essentially the first time I did anything social was the day I went to Patti's birthday sushi and then Eva's party. I left the party early because it was really crowded, and that's a lot of humanity all at once after so much isolation.
Since then I've tried people-immersion a couple of times: karaoke, which was pretty quiet, and family dinner, which was a beautiful mellow night.
I'm getting a lot done, though. I'm keeping my house more-or-less clean, I'm starting to get some paperwork taken care of, I'm spending some time with my rats. I feel pretty functional. I've lost my people-calluses, though. I notice that if one of my roommates is in a bad mood it transfers to me like crazy. When I go out in public, people talk to me; my go-away vibes are broken. It's like I can do 'people' or 'stuff' but not both at once.
If I stay totally out of social contact I get super-paranoid about people in general. I was pretty bad for awhile there. I can't do that and live in a house with roommates, it's just not good for me. It's likely not good for me in general. If I get too much people, though, I have no time to _do_ anything, and I become a less interesting person as a result. You know, I actually got my inks and brush out the other day?
It doesn't help that (drumroll, duh) working shift-work retail is pretty stressful. I'd never done either before: never been at the mercy of someone else's scheduling nor had to deal with a really quick pace that still required to you to be *right there*, to smile and be human for people. You know, when I'm lifting a boulder I can grunt and make faces, and when I'm digging hard no-one cares if my face goes blank. And, of course, not being in control of yer schedule's pretty annoying. I'm loving the food aspect of this, and talking to people about food, and learning about it, but I'll be glad when I can get back outside. I'll be glad, too, when I go back to a skilled labourer's wage, dammit.
There's so much I want to spend money on right now: citizenship, American passport, Kayak pass, climbing gym pass, seeds, and spring mysteries entrance. Bwah. Wouldn't mind a hundred or two bucks' worth of clay for the wheel, too, and a bunch of money for family dinner experimentation.
So everything is going well. It's not spectacular, but I'm getting my life together, it's running along, I can do it, and some parts are pretty fantastic (cooking and Angus both make me very! excited! right now, and there's some photo modelling stuff and a potential compost documentary project that have my ears perked).
I notice that the more I get my room the way I want it, the more it looks like my room in Mission, where I grew up. Coincidence? I think not. Still, how can you get better than waking up, drawing the curtains, and having the room fill with this lovely clear light today?
Anyhow, there's your update for now. Be well, y'all.
Over the winter holidays, though, I didn't get out at all just because I was so sick. I went to the New Years' party encased in a mental haze, and essentially the first time I did anything social was the day I went to Patti's birthday sushi and then Eva's party. I left the party early because it was really crowded, and that's a lot of humanity all at once after so much isolation.
Since then I've tried people-immersion a couple of times: karaoke, which was pretty quiet, and family dinner, which was a beautiful mellow night.
I'm getting a lot done, though. I'm keeping my house more-or-less clean, I'm starting to get some paperwork taken care of, I'm spending some time with my rats. I feel pretty functional. I've lost my people-calluses, though. I notice that if one of my roommates is in a bad mood it transfers to me like crazy. When I go out in public, people talk to me; my go-away vibes are broken. It's like I can do 'people' or 'stuff' but not both at once.
If I stay totally out of social contact I get super-paranoid about people in general. I was pretty bad for awhile there. I can't do that and live in a house with roommates, it's just not good for me. It's likely not good for me in general. If I get too much people, though, I have no time to _do_ anything, and I become a less interesting person as a result. You know, I actually got my inks and brush out the other day?
It doesn't help that (drumroll, duh) working shift-work retail is pretty stressful. I'd never done either before: never been at the mercy of someone else's scheduling nor had to deal with a really quick pace that still required to you to be *right there*, to smile and be human for people. You know, when I'm lifting a boulder I can grunt and make faces, and when I'm digging hard no-one cares if my face goes blank. And, of course, not being in control of yer schedule's pretty annoying. I'm loving the food aspect of this, and talking to people about food, and learning about it, but I'll be glad when I can get back outside. I'll be glad, too, when I go back to a skilled labourer's wage, dammit.
There's so much I want to spend money on right now: citizenship, American passport, Kayak pass, climbing gym pass, seeds, and spring mysteries entrance. Bwah. Wouldn't mind a hundred or two bucks' worth of clay for the wheel, too, and a bunch of money for family dinner experimentation.
So everything is going well. It's not spectacular, but I'm getting my life together, it's running along, I can do it, and some parts are pretty fantastic (cooking and Angus both make me very! excited! right now, and there's some photo modelling stuff and a potential compost documentary project that have my ears perked).
I notice that the more I get my room the way I want it, the more it looks like my room in Mission, where I grew up. Coincidence? I think not. Still, how can you get better than waking up, drawing the curtains, and having the room fill with this lovely clear light today?
Anyhow, there's your update for now. Be well, y'all.
