(no subject)
Feb. 28th, 2008 07:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormDidn't step into traffic.
Feel like a useless sack of whiny shit.
Have the best friends ever, but dudes, I wish you'd stop using the line 'you're a wonderful person'. To be perfectly irrational for a moment: 1) I don't care, if being an awful person would get me what I want, I'd be it. 2) That's what he said to me, the last night: you're a wonderful person but... 3) I'm just a person, I've got lovely bits and obnoxious bits.
But, still, best friends ever. Right there when I need them, and super solid. Means I feel safe experiencing this pain, I don't have to pack it away and deal with it later. I can feel you guys holding me, and if I spend some of the time feeling like I hate you because you're the wrong people then that's my deficiency and an ingratitude wholly undeserved.
Last night I sat on a small couch between Eva and Mike and was thoroughly snuggled while holding a teddy bear. I felt twelve, and loved. I never felt that loved when I was twelve, lemme tell you. I need to find Friskie asap.
I feel like I'm being sandblasted. I'm not ready to set it down, to leave it behind, to get over it and let the whole thing recede into the past until it disappears behind a veil of growing-up and personality-changes and this-wouldn't-works and we-could-never-do-that-agains. Well, I mean, I guess we're already at some of those points.
Thank you again, everyone-- people who responded here and who answered that text message yesterday. I really appreciate little thinking-of-you notes throughout the day. It helps a *lot*.
Feel like a useless sack of whiny shit.
Have the best friends ever, but dudes, I wish you'd stop using the line 'you're a wonderful person'. To be perfectly irrational for a moment: 1) I don't care, if being an awful person would get me what I want, I'd be it. 2) That's what he said to me, the last night: you're a wonderful person but... 3) I'm just a person, I've got lovely bits and obnoxious bits.
But, still, best friends ever. Right there when I need them, and super solid. Means I feel safe experiencing this pain, I don't have to pack it away and deal with it later. I can feel you guys holding me, and if I spend some of the time feeling like I hate you because you're the wrong people then that's my deficiency and an ingratitude wholly undeserved.
Last night I sat on a small couch between Eva and Mike and was thoroughly snuggled while holding a teddy bear. I felt twelve, and loved. I never felt that loved when I was twelve, lemme tell you. I need to find Friskie asap.
I feel like I'm being sandblasted. I'm not ready to set it down, to leave it behind, to get over it and let the whole thing recede into the past until it disappears behind a veil of growing-up and personality-changes and this-wouldn't-works and we-could-never-do-that-agains. Well, I mean, I guess we're already at some of those points.
Thank you again, everyone-- people who responded here and who answered that text message yesterday. I really appreciate little thinking-of-you notes throughout the day. It helps a *lot*.
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Silly girl - you don't hate spring
Date: 2008-02-28 05:37 pm (UTC)You will be renewed - you of all people have an abundance of love and energy. This time will be difficult, but the world turns, the seasons change, and you will contimue to find joy. Let your friends cradle you for now.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-29 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-29 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-29 03:03 pm (UTC)