Pain and Unpredictability
Dec. 8th, 2003 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI'd thought that the party would hurt. It didn't. There was some stuff after the party I tried that I thought would hurt. It didn't. I've found something that does, though, really terribly much, and I'm having a great deal of trouble with it. What is it? Simply, as always, the time issue. Remember when I said, just as scheduling approached my fingertips, it seemed to recede again?
Well, the SO's going on nights. He was on nights before, yes. There are what (feel like to me but maybe are not?) some additional complications with that this time though. It requires, maybe, talking out -- it's been causing problems untalked about, I think, either my subconscious-until-now sparking or with something else in someone else, or both.
But I don't want to talk about it. I'm afraid, I don't want to deal with it, I want things to go back to the way they were before ... even for three weeks? I need just a little while to settle into something?
Am I mispercieving the situation? I don't think I am. One never thinks one is, of course...
I realise I'm whining here, and I feel panicked, and I just don't know what to do. I believe in the goodwill of everyone involved, but I'm frightened that in this case that won't be enough to create a satisfactory solution. It always has been in the past, I realise that. But... this?
So cross your fingers for me, and pray for me, and whatever else it is that you do, if you can. Hug me if you see me, and I'll come to you when this is resolved, and I hope it's soon.
Well, the SO's going on nights. He was on nights before, yes. There are what (feel like to me but maybe are not?) some additional complications with that this time though. It requires, maybe, talking out -- it's been causing problems untalked about, I think, either my subconscious-until-now sparking or with something else in someone else, or both.
But I don't want to talk about it. I'm afraid, I don't want to deal with it, I want things to go back to the way they were before ... even for three weeks? I need just a little while to settle into something?
Am I mispercieving the situation? I don't think I am. One never thinks one is, of course...
I realise I'm whining here, and I feel panicked, and I just don't know what to do. I believe in the goodwill of everyone involved, but I'm frightened that in this case that won't be enough to create a satisfactory solution. It always has been in the past, I realise that. But... this?
So cross your fingers for me, and pray for me, and whatever else it is that you do, if you can. Hug me if you see me, and I'll come to you when this is resolved, and I hope it's soon.
