Pain and Unpredictability

[greenstorm]

I'd thought that the party would hurt. It didn't. There was some stuff after the party I tried that I thought would hurt. It didn't. I've found something that does, though, really terribly much, and I'm having a great deal of trouble with it. What is it? Simply, as always, the time issue. Remember when I said, just as scheduling approached my fingertips, it seemed to recede again?

Well, the SO's going on nights. He was on nights before, yes. There are what (feel like to me but maybe are not?) some additional complications with that this time though. It requires, maybe, talking out -- it's been causing problems untalked about, I think, either my subconscious-until-now sparking or with something else in someone else, or both.

But I don't want to talk about it. I'm afraid, I don't want to deal with it, I want things to go back to the way they were before ... even for three weeks? I need just a little while to settle into something?

Am I mispercieving the situation? I don't think I am. One never thinks one is, of course...

I realise I'm whining here, and I feel panicked, and I just don't know what to do. I believe in the goodwill of everyone involved, but I'm frightened that in this case that won't be enough to create a satisfactory solution. It always has been in the past, I realise that. But... this?

So cross your fingers for me, and pray for me, and whatever else it is that you do, if you can. Hug me if you see me, and I'll come to you when this is resolved, and I hope it's soon.

Comments

[silverseastar.livejournal.com]

Well my thoughts are with you that you sort this out satisfactorily. Night shifts are proven to be brutal both physically and emotionally for all those involved.

There must be a good reason for it happening tho, no?

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

I'll give you hugs this evening. Find out your work schedule for the week and we'll make sure that it will work out somehow.

We will figure this out. Remember that it's a rotating schedule of nights and afternoons, and a benefit of being on nights is that he'll have some nice long weekends.

And, overall, it's only until March. We'll just be getting used to it when he'll go back to days again ;-)

Love you, sweetie.

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Change is always scary, sweetie. (I know!)

I'm gonna give you big-girl advice: Talk about it now, do it now, no matter how crappy and scary it feels because the change is fixed by an external force and will happen in X amount of time. You know this, you know you have fears and needs, and you need to take care of this NOW, before you are all scared.

And PS: you can always come crash here some nights to "crash"/cuddle. :)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

It's already happened. Somehow it started today, and I didn't realise that it would until Christmas. So I'm a little behind the ball on that. There would have been no backing out in any case, though, so I don't know that the fear would have been less. Sometimes it's even less when a thing has started, as I get into it and realise that I'm still alive.

And I am still alive. And I will continue to be. And I can always make decisions and choices. I just have little confidence in a good path existing right now, which will no doubt clear up sonner or later. It always does.

If I may be so bold

[pieman.livejournal.com]

To direct you to your own words:
Faith (http://www.livejournal.com/users/greenstorm/48625.html)
It struck me at the time as it reminded me how this all works when I needed it.

All the good thoughts I can muster, which are quite a few right now, are being sent your way.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

hugs :)