Own Damn Fault
Mar. 28th, 2008 11:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI admit it. I prayed for snow real hard during the beginning of this week. Sorry, guys.
(It does normally snow at the end of March, though, wasn't just me)
Got off work today when the beds we were supposed to be cleaning up were no longer visible under the carpet of white. Still warming up the tips of my toes.
Going through the grief cycle admirably. This week I've done denial, indifference, pain, sadness, irritation, rage, resignation, and flashes of acceptance. Nothing's banding as clearly as that, it's a bit of a muddle really, but it's good. Things continue to heal up quickly.
I seem to be finding what I need just fine; no fear of ending up a hollowed-out wreck for even another hour of my life, which is just fine with me. There's just too much going on to care.
And that too much going on can happen without engaging in the fucking chain of who-slept-with-who and who-said-what. Don't tell me about it. I'm dealing myself out of this game completely. Hopefully that will deal me out of this growing polarisation, too. I'm not interested and I can do better with my time.
A much better thing to do with one's time is to visit Guu, either luxuriously single or with a skilled guide. The food there is out of this world amazing (and it's pretty easy to go wheat-free dairy-free). Now, I'm not sure how to say this, but between the energetic host with the towel on his head, the salmon sashimi with raw quail egg and the beef carpaccio and the beef tongue and the bacon-wrapped asparagus skewers, and the crazy guy on the frying pan shooting flame (and the periodic loud rounds of shouting in Japanese) that place probably can decently replace sex. Shame that it's more expensive than sex, but before tip it came to about $15 for me, so it's not prohibitive to be there weekly.
Another better thing to do with my time is to spend more money on having shirts with pithy sayings made.
Further, I can cuddle rats, clean cages, make ratatouille, tidy the house, have a rose-scented bubble bath, read my book, go cherry-blossom-street hunting (in the snow!?!) and nap. I should also do some apartment hunting for May 1st. The lovely thing about having my own apartment is that I'll be able to go on a people-fast, where I just don't talk to anyone for a week if I like. Right now there's no peace in anyone, and I need peace to let some of this poison run out (I want you to be mine forever). And, you know, it is running out of me pretty cleanly, muddied and churned up by the angry parts of the grief cycle but it is passing when it needs to pass and leaving me with times of respite. That's when it's important that no new poison is poured in. Everyone needs a break sometimes.
Soon I'll need to pack up my books and stuff, to ready myself for the move.
And look, it's still snowing. Time for lunch, and for ratties.
(It does normally snow at the end of March, though, wasn't just me)
Got off work today when the beds we were supposed to be cleaning up were no longer visible under the carpet of white. Still warming up the tips of my toes.
Going through the grief cycle admirably. This week I've done denial, indifference, pain, sadness, irritation, rage, resignation, and flashes of acceptance. Nothing's banding as clearly as that, it's a bit of a muddle really, but it's good. Things continue to heal up quickly.
I seem to be finding what I need just fine; no fear of ending up a hollowed-out wreck for even another hour of my life, which is just fine with me. There's just too much going on to care.
And that too much going on can happen without engaging in the fucking chain of who-slept-with-who and who-said-what. Don't tell me about it. I'm dealing myself out of this game completely. Hopefully that will deal me out of this growing polarisation, too. I'm not interested and I can do better with my time.
A much better thing to do with one's time is to visit Guu, either luxuriously single or with a skilled guide. The food there is out of this world amazing (and it's pretty easy to go wheat-free dairy-free). Now, I'm not sure how to say this, but between the energetic host with the towel on his head, the salmon sashimi with raw quail egg and the beef carpaccio and the beef tongue and the bacon-wrapped asparagus skewers, and the crazy guy on the frying pan shooting flame (and the periodic loud rounds of shouting in Japanese) that place probably can decently replace sex. Shame that it's more expensive than sex, but before tip it came to about $15 for me, so it's not prohibitive to be there weekly.
Another better thing to do with my time is to spend more money on having shirts with pithy sayings made.
Further, I can cuddle rats, clean cages, make ratatouille, tidy the house, have a rose-scented bubble bath, read my book, go cherry-blossom-street hunting (in the snow!?!) and nap. I should also do some apartment hunting for May 1st. The lovely thing about having my own apartment is that I'll be able to go on a people-fast, where I just don't talk to anyone for a week if I like. Right now there's no peace in anyone, and I need peace to let some of this poison run out (I want you to be mine forever). And, you know, it is running out of me pretty cleanly, muddied and churned up by the angry parts of the grief cycle but it is passing when it needs to pass and leaving me with times of respite. That's when it's important that no new poison is poured in. Everyone needs a break sometimes.
Soon I'll need to pack up my books and stuff, to ready myself for the move.
And look, it's still snowing. Time for lunch, and for ratties.
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-28 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-28 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-29 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-28 09:08 pm (UTC)I think it's pretty, but I'm from Michigan, and most drivers around here don't have the first idea how to deal with water falling from the sky. The commute home should be interesting.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-29 02:33 am (UTC)