greenstorm | Day of Commitment: A Manifesto

Transcribed from my bus notebook.

This won't kill me. If the worst thing that can happen happens, and continues for two weeks, I will still be here at the end of that two weeks.

There are other things I like to do. I enjoy talking to my clients, I do productive work, I am going to take gardening courses in February that I enjoy.

All parties involved have goodwill, even when they are afraid.

The SO is not going away.

I am not a bad person for needing things.

I can control my life by making choices about what I do and do not do. I can choose to leave the situation, take a break, or stay.

There are people in the world who love me no matter what.

There are things I can do every day. I can water my plants, practise reiki, talk to my family, go for walks, call old friends.

Sometimes I can spend time with the SO, talk to new friends, spend time in groups of people who share my interests, dance with myself, sing to myself, and smile at random people on the street.

I will find something non-complicated and more immediately reactive than plants to love, like pet rats. I will be sure I have an exchange of love every day, no matter what, by cuddling with them or talking to my mom or groing out with my brother, that is not with a sexual partner.

I will have an exchange of love with a sexual partner, talking or cuddling, every day.

I will take myself to dinner or chai when I need to feel special.

I will impliment date days instead of just talking about it. Especially with TOW, because she's important to me and I will not let my need for male approval interfere with that in the future. She is a resource and a source of nourishment in my life even when she scares me, not a combatant.

I will use the Juggler's lunch breaks and telephone to talk to him when time otherwise does not permit, creating flexibility in myself.

I will apologise to the SO. I will spend time talking to him, walking in the park or trying new restaurants, once per week.

I will remember to call Estrellada about days/evenings together. I will snuggle her lots.

I will smile at interesting people and cultivate friendship.

I will take time to eat and sleep most days. I will not feel guilty if I do not, but will simply remedy th lack.

I will think about things I love every day.

I will design the garden, and order seeds.

I will name each day for a happy/joyful event within it, and post that name here.

I will ride buses I've never taken to the end with a notepad.

I will smile.

I will laugh.

I will breathe.

Not all of the things in this future are under my control, but many are. I will print this out, and I will read it sometimes. I will do the things in it.

Thank you, everyone, for your good wishes. It helped.