Good Things and Bad Things

[greenstorm]

Good things:
chillin' with Fang, who was great with it and may even need a rename
best boyfriend ever
sunshine
day of gaming monday restored equilibrium
who knew that gaming feels like nesting?
coworker only random bitchy for a bit today
little creek salad dressing
love
talking
friends

Bad things:
too few hours at work due to rain
possible need to move +
light hours at work =
lots of money stress (still mostly in my head right now, but it will manifest in the next couple paycheques)
not enough time with ratties
getting a sore throat
still sorta wobbly emotionally
new! and exciting! weird trust issues

So I guess it's really all basically the same. That's the thing I've noticed about working full-time: the rest of my life doesn't have time to make its usual sudden chaotic changes. I also feel like I don't quite have time to make my life fully rounded. Time for friends but not lovers, lovers but not friends, friends and boyfriend but not hobbies, hobbies and lovers and friends but not boyfriend and eating, you see what I'm getting at? And when it comes right down to it, there's not time for even most of that stuff and me too. One more weekend day might just do it, but I can't drop to a 4-day week until I'm done moving. I may need to postpone my early November vacation.

Will talk to roommates some. We'll see where it goes. The meeting is tonight.

I wonder if Sunday was just that thing where, as soon as I'm feeling safe and secure and ok, a bunch of awhile, but things are shifting around here. I realise that some of my friends who live in the area have dropped out of my life for various reasons, and some of them I really depended on. Some of them have got hopelessly weird, and I've dropped out of their lives. (Am I hopelessly weird?) I've always moved away from friends before, not had this sort of slow lingering fade, and it's really bugging me, I think. My life has been such an object example of "this too shall pass" that I should be used to it, but I'm not. Things that last are important to me because there are so few enduring threads linking all those years together outside of myself. I had liked to think friendships did, but now I see that they only could, not do, like any other thing. To make a friendship survive it has to be very high on the priorities list, just like any other thing that survives.

I think my geekfest day of gaming yesterday was so soothing because I could turn off my mind to do it and still be engaged in a problem-- a nice simple problem. And Angus was there, and he was working, we played together a bit in the evening, and we just sat around and existed and loved each other and everything was okay. There was nothing I had to worry about all day except hitting the next level, how to get through the next quest, all that straightforward stuff, and that was okay. And it was okay with Angus. Work used to be like that, but now it's all super-cautious interpersonal defense and duck-and-covering because even on a good day you don't know what will come out of it.

Ramble, ramble. Do you remember staying up late and talking until the sun rose about the underpinnings of life, about your life story and what it all meant and how it fit into the world? I haven't done that much in awhile. I don't think I'm nostalgic. Not when you could be talking about how to best set up a permaculture.

Comments

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

I'm hopelessly weird.

When my semester's over, let's have food. I miss you.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

I'll see you on Nov 11th with a boy in tow!

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Yay!

The boy I know, or another boy?

Feel free to drop in earlier to hang a bit while I prep.

You're not hopelessly wierd

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

I am painfully aware that my circle of non-work, non-ThatGuy social interrraction has become very constrained. I also understand the 'not enough time' dilemma. If I didn't review e-mail and post to Livejournal while I was supposed to be working, no one would ever hear from me.

That's why I was confused when ThatGuy said he wanted to try dating again. My first thought was Time - if we're away from home almost twelve hours on a work day, working out two nights a week and on the weekend, you want to play boargames a couple of nights a week, and your family springs unexpected weekend things on a regular basis, and we have chores and food prep and lunchmaking and errands and (hopefully) time for sex and cuddles, when the hell are you going to see someone else?

Oddly enough, my mental process then took me through the possibilities of getting back into my poor ignored hobbies, the thought of having time to play in the dirt, sit with a book, chill out on my own....is it wierd that my poly secondary of choice would be a sewing machine or power tool (and I ain't talkin the vibrating kind)?

Re: You're not hopelessly wierd

[greensinger.livejournal.com]

If that's weird, then my treadle fetish is off the charts.

Re: You're not hopelessly wierd

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

It makes me ridiculously happy that you two are talking to each other even a little bit.

Re: You're not hopelessly wierd

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

I do know that feeling, actually. Much less in winter or summer, but the thought of spending a whole day reading a book and wandering around outside is pretty appealing sometimes. I've been taking every second Saturday to go on a date with myself-- I take myself to one of my favourite restaurants, look out the window at people, have awesome conversations with myself in my head. All this is without Angus dating much right now, but it makes the whole thing less threatening.

I got some amazing pickled garlic at the apple festival that I'd love you to try.

We should visit again sometime. ;)

Re: You're not hopelessly wierd

[spectral42.livejournal.com]

Livejournal needs a like button like facebook has - so I can click it here!

[dunfalach.livejournal.com]

I fall in the non-hopelessly-weird category, certainly, since we've talked recently. Weird, but not hopelessly-weird. :>