Blue Blue Rodeo
Mar. 1st, 2010 09:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormSo I went to the Blue Rodeo free show with Bob the other night-- it was my first night off, I had specifically taken it off work to be able to go with him. It was a free show, so we got there just after 4pm to be sure we got in, which we did with dispatch (the line was only a block or two long and moving quickly). We hung out and looked at some things, and there was a bit of a musical tour of Canada on stage (first some Bollywood stuff from here, then an indie singer from the Maritimes, then Chic Gamine from Montreal/Quebec (who are awesome btw), and finally Blue Rodeo). In between there were Olympic things on the big screens, including the skating gala (super cool) and the end of the Slovak/Finland bronze medal hockey game.
It was a lot of standing given that I had got off shift and home by about 10am, had two hours sleep, and by the time I got home had been standing about eighteen of the previous 24 hours. Still, it was worth it-- they're a fabulous live band, they looked like they were having fun, we were two rows from the front or so, and-- well, it's this way. Bob and I were together for a fair chunk of time-- more than two years. We lived together for awhile. Blue Rodeo has always been one of Bob's favourite bands but it was also our album. He got me into them, we played them a lot in our house.
And I care about Bob a whole lot. And- when I realised that things with Angus were going to completely flame up emotionally I stopped the relationship with Bob. I stopped it cold, none of the trailing off I've done with other people, because the feedback I've got from my exes is that they would generally rather things just stop, like, END, rather than go through a cyclic more-less-more thing as people come and go from my life. I really care about Bob, I respect him a whole lot, and I was privileged to be let inside his emotional shell. I wanted to do the right thing for him-- and this was the time when everyone was saying that Angus was a dickhead for fucking me and spending time with me without being able to commit to a full-on relationship. I didn't want to be a dickhead. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I suspected it was coming one way or another and wanted to do the least damage.
It wasn't fair, because Bob had always been awesome to me. He took the poly thing in stride and the rats thing in stride and really was proud of who I was and how I did what I did. In an ideal world he would not be dumped or emotionally overshadowed by some unproven subby kid with dimples and a whole lot of emotional ambivalence.
He was really upset with Angus for a couple of years after that, understandably, but he's been making a point to reverse that lately. I've been hanging out with him sometimes too, much easier for me with the Angus animosity resolved, and I always really enjoy spending time with him.
So here we are standing in this crowd (about nine thousand people?) and it's raining and-- hah --the band is playing our songs. And Bob is just being Bob, he's geeking out about the music setup and enjoying the music in a quiet sort of way, and we put our arms around each other for one song and not after that, and I don't even know what else to day about that. I didn't cry then because it wouldn't have been fair but I am now.
Cause, you know, Angus is my person but that's a good man there and I care for him a lot. And it's been a long time since we were close.
There are a lot of blessings in my life, but the people are absolutely the greatest of these. I have friends who-- you know, over time we wear on each other softly, we build up a share of commonalities, we get to witness the completely beautiful arc of each others lives. I have so much love both there and in my family.
It was a lot of standing given that I had got off shift and home by about 10am, had two hours sleep, and by the time I got home had been standing about eighteen of the previous 24 hours. Still, it was worth it-- they're a fabulous live band, they looked like they were having fun, we were two rows from the front or so, and-- well, it's this way. Bob and I were together for a fair chunk of time-- more than two years. We lived together for awhile. Blue Rodeo has always been one of Bob's favourite bands but it was also our album. He got me into them, we played them a lot in our house.
And I care about Bob a whole lot. And- when I realised that things with Angus were going to completely flame up emotionally I stopped the relationship with Bob. I stopped it cold, none of the trailing off I've done with other people, because the feedback I've got from my exes is that they would generally rather things just stop, like, END, rather than go through a cyclic more-less-more thing as people come and go from my life. I really care about Bob, I respect him a whole lot, and I was privileged to be let inside his emotional shell. I wanted to do the right thing for him-- and this was the time when everyone was saying that Angus was a dickhead for fucking me and spending time with me without being able to commit to a full-on relationship. I didn't want to be a dickhead. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I suspected it was coming one way or another and wanted to do the least damage.
It wasn't fair, because Bob had always been awesome to me. He took the poly thing in stride and the rats thing in stride and really was proud of who I was and how I did what I did. In an ideal world he would not be dumped or emotionally overshadowed by some unproven subby kid with dimples and a whole lot of emotional ambivalence.
He was really upset with Angus for a couple of years after that, understandably, but he's been making a point to reverse that lately. I've been hanging out with him sometimes too, much easier for me with the Angus animosity resolved, and I always really enjoy spending time with him.
So here we are standing in this crowd (about nine thousand people?) and it's raining and-- hah --the band is playing our songs. And Bob is just being Bob, he's geeking out about the music setup and enjoying the music in a quiet sort of way, and we put our arms around each other for one song and not after that, and I don't even know what else to day about that. I didn't cry then because it wouldn't have been fair but I am now.
Cause, you know, Angus is my person but that's a good man there and I care for him a lot. And it's been a long time since we were close.
There are a lot of blessings in my life, but the people are absolutely the greatest of these. I have friends who-- you know, over time we wear on each other softly, we build up a share of commonalities, we get to witness the completely beautiful arc of each others lives. I have so much love both there and in my family.
