Oh.

[greenstorm]

All I did last night was cry and wander through snarled words with Angus and cry and cry.

Intentionally moving in with someone I love? Both names on the lease? Really getting serious about a relationship?

Actually caring about people I have sex with?

Why does that make me cry?

I did some dredging, and oh, it does make some sense. I have walked through dark places in the past.

You know how I keep saying Angus is not those people?

These are those people:

http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/113448.html
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/105901.html
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/110162.html
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/113360.html
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/113448.html
Then, again about Juggler:
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/117439.html
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/120538.html
http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/125118.html

Yeah.

Interesting to have that to mine, you know?

Now let's see if I can get back to sleep.


am very bothered when I think
of the bad things that I have done in my life.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
and played the handles
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
then called your name, and handed them over.
O the unrivalled stench of branded skin
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
then couldn't shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
the doctor said, for eternity.
Don't believe me, please, if I say
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
of asking you to marry me.

Simon Armitage

Edited to add this is Angus: http://greenstorm.livejournal.com/544307.html