Dark Corners Indeed

[greenstorm]

So last night something I've been struggling with came out. That something is Angus' illness. You know, I've always tried to be good with it--he has to live with it all the time--but the fact of the matter is that when I ask my partner, the person I am closest with, how he is, most of the time lately the answer is a variant on 'crappy and in pain'. The fact of the matter is that when I come home, I feel I need to bring my game face with me instead of relaxing. Yesterday I ran out of game face and it terrified me. It feels so ugly to say, 'i don't care how you're feeling right now, I need something from you'. I didn't want to wade through a who-has-it-worse conversation cause he wins those. I just needed to say my piece and be held and have him stroke my hair with no arguments.

I got what I needed in the end. We've has a mid-April relationship discussion on the table for awhile now, it's still there- we don't have time for that now. I think I can make it till then at this point.

Now for work, rat cage cleaning, sleep, work, revolutionizing rats, packing for the move on Sunday, packing for the show, scrubbing and clipping rats if I have time, doing laundry, eating, and maybe more sleep.

Almost done. Just under a week left.

Comments

[petter-haggholm.livejournal.com]

I’m kind of reminded of this, and the perniciousness of thinking that how bad someone feels should ever be measured in terms of some objective criteria—what happened to you or to person X. It’s never that simple, after all. And a relationship in the romantic-cum-sexual sense is not a nursing relationship; it’s not supposed to be a matter of one person always being there for the other, with no reciprocity.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Are you going to PAX this year? Is it your cup of tea?

[petter-haggholm.livejournal.com]

I wasn’t planning on it, but that’s not so much because I’ve pondered what sort of tea it is as, well, I’ve actually never gone to a conference. Of any kind. Ever. It never entered my mind.

…In conclusion…tell me more?

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

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