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greenstormSo foxipher posted this:
[PSA] Physical Boundaries Extend To Online
Public Service Announcement:
Unless I would hug you/kiss you/allow you to nibble on me/whatever offline, do not do this to me online. If you're not sure whether something is okay, ask me, or just don't do it.
It is not your right to do whatever you want to me, whenever you want, especially if I barely know you. End of story.
[Edit] If you're not sure, and/or want to talk to me about this, please direct message so we can have this conversation privately.
Likewise, if I do something that makes any of you uncomfortable in this fashion, please do tell me privately.
I responded with this:
No problem. I've had that issue come up a lot for myself-- in person in circles where I'm really huggy with some people, online with people who I'm on-and-off with and who can't read my body language, etc. But the reason I'm so comfortable feeling close and cuddly with some people is that I feel I have sovereignty over my body, and am doing that entirely through my own choice. When someone (even someone I kinda like but just don't feel like touching, even someone only trying to join in on the social vibe going around with the best of intentions) revokes my sovereignty it feels really icky.
I used to roleplay online a lot, and the etiquette was that one person would 'try' to do something-- X reaches out to hug Y, X opens her arms to Y --and the other person would complete the action --Y hugs X back, Y snuggles into Y's arms. I am still taken aback by that not being a universal standard sometimes, despite years of exposure to the standard internet pool.
Do you mind if I repost bits of your original post to my journal? I do think it bears saying!
I am also thinking this:
There are many people with whom I have a different online relationship than I might in person; many because we've never met in person to suss that out, some because the brain chemistry just works better than the body chemistry or whatever. So for me it's not exactly a 'as in person, so online' thing but it is definitely not an anything-goes, I-am-public-property thing.
Twitter is nice for this; there's not a lot of space for random physical interaction so it doesn't occur. LJ is fine for this for me, most of you guys know me well enough to know what's appropriate. IM is terrible for this.
I know people who believe that expecting any kind of interpersonal etiquette on the internet is colossal stupidity, but one of the joys of the kinds of internet I use is that there's some screening available. Awhile ago I had a troll, so anonymous comments are screened. You can easily ban people on IMs. Etc.
[PSA] Physical Boundaries Extend To Online
Public Service Announcement:
Unless I would hug you/kiss you/allow you to nibble on me/whatever offline, do not do this to me online. If you're not sure whether something is okay, ask me, or just don't do it.
It is not your right to do whatever you want to me, whenever you want, especially if I barely know you. End of story.
[Edit] If you're not sure, and/or want to talk to me about this, please direct message so we can have this conversation privately.
Likewise, if I do something that makes any of you uncomfortable in this fashion, please do tell me privately.
I responded with this:
No problem. I've had that issue come up a lot for myself-- in person in circles where I'm really huggy with some people, online with people who I'm on-and-off with and who can't read my body language, etc. But the reason I'm so comfortable feeling close and cuddly with some people is that I feel I have sovereignty over my body, and am doing that entirely through my own choice. When someone (even someone I kinda like but just don't feel like touching, even someone only trying to join in on the social vibe going around with the best of intentions) revokes my sovereignty it feels really icky.
I used to roleplay online a lot, and the etiquette was that one person would 'try' to do something-- X reaches out to hug Y, X opens her arms to Y --and the other person would complete the action --Y hugs X back, Y snuggles into Y's arms. I am still taken aback by that not being a universal standard sometimes, despite years of exposure to the standard internet pool.
Do you mind if I repost bits of your original post to my journal? I do think it bears saying!
I am also thinking this:
There are many people with whom I have a different online relationship than I might in person; many because we've never met in person to suss that out, some because the brain chemistry just works better than the body chemistry or whatever. So for me it's not exactly a 'as in person, so online' thing but it is definitely not an anything-goes, I-am-public-property thing.
Twitter is nice for this; there's not a lot of space for random physical interaction so it doesn't occur. LJ is fine for this for me, most of you guys know me well enough to know what's appropriate. IM is terrible for this.
I know people who believe that expecting any kind of interpersonal etiquette on the internet is colossal stupidity, but one of the joys of the kinds of internet I use is that there's some screening available. Awhile ago I had a troll, so anonymous comments are screened. You can easily ban people on IMs. Etc.
