Relentlessly Melancholy

[greenstorm]

My evening is relentlessly melancholy now that the wedding and party are over. It was a good party, and a good party-filled weekend, but my balance is still off. It's still a crash at the end of the day.

I got groped in a particularly noteworthy way on the bus today-- I mean, I don't normally get touched, and this guy touched me more lingeringly and intimately than anyone who I'm having sex with has in awhile. Angus saw it (this is good, I always try to explain it away to myself) and whisked me over to sit in a friend's lap surrounded by people I like. The bus was a bit of a party anyhow, with a drum circle and a boombox playing 'red red wine' and such. As an afterthought I wish I'd stabbed the guy in the pit of the stomach with my parasol either at the time or as I got off.

I also wish I could spray menstrual blood at face-height on command. Wouldn't that be great? "You want some of this? You got it. *spray*"

Other than that-- it's been awhile since I went to houseparties. I don't do drinking parties, I don't do makeout parties, there haven't been many of any parties lately-- so this was a nice change of pace. I got to see tons of people I really like, all at once. There was especially a core of people who were at two or three of the three parties who were fun to orbit with.

I have a wine and star trek evening arranged, not this week but next, with some people. Muah!

Other than that I feel flat and blah now that I'm home. I'm stupid tired, that's probably a lot of it, and as per Rilke I'll try to avoid drawing huge generalisations from just tonight. I'm really glad there's someone in the world who loves me enough to hold me this morning and tonight, though. It helps.

I was on commercial drive in JJ Bean the other day and I saw a man working who had, written on the inside of his right forearm, 'you are loved'. I asked him if it helped, and he said yes with this half-incredulous smile. I'd like to go back and ask him more about that.

Rugged individualist poly (as opposed to various interrelationship or simultaneous models) still makes me feel like I'm being ripped in half. Tired of it.

Got music properly set up for tomorrow, which is awesome. Did some dancing, which is awesome. Working outside tomorrow, which will be lovely. Have BIKE! which is awesome. Should take a ride after work and before movie tomorrow.

Did rainbow eye makeup on myself to match dress and parasol. Was awesome. Will do that again for sure.

Stupid tired. Gotta wash the sticky off and then crash hard.

Comments

[petter-haggholm.livejournal.com]

I also wish I could spray menstrual blood at face-height on command. Wouldn't that be great? "You want some of this? You got it. *spray*"

That is a fun image, and reminds me of the horned lizards. Apart from that, the incident sounds rage-inducing and stabbing sounds like it was indicated.