School, Day 1
Sep. 7th, 2010 08:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormThe word of the evening is overwhelmed.
The only way I can clear the static in my head and write is, as John Steinbeck said, to think of one particular person and write to them. This is something I have been doing in my journal, but I want this out in public where I'm a little more analytical of what comes out.
You know who you are, reader.
So today was school. It wasn't 'real' school, it was orientation, which I'm not going to talk about because it makes me angry. That's a separate post. Suffice it to say, the thing's begun.
And... the thing is big, and stressful and time-consuming in ways I didn't expect or think about. I'm used to valuing my time very highly, having agency over what I do, and keeping my life pretty structured and scheduled. This isn't geared towards that one little bit. None of it.
And that was fine. It was stressy, but fine. I had to sort out some last-minute stuff but I could do it.
Between the time I was talking to the people at the financial aid desk at school and the time I got home this evening, though, Angus decided he's going to quit his job and go back to school full-time, on loans if his parents won't help. He's hoping to go to the Pacific Institute of Culinary Arts, which is the best of the best: fitting, as so's his innate talent with flavours and food, and they also incorporate flexibility about his eating weirdness. I support this decision of his completely and totally, with every bit of my being: he's good at it, he loves it, he's miserable doing what he does now, and I've been on him to do this for three years now. He's gotta do this.
It means that my plan of attack for school (do the first year with work/saved money/help from him, do the second with some loans but mostly on work) is changed. I won't be able to lean on him for help at all financially-- and so probably from here on in I'll need student loan help with tuition.
This is outside my plan. It complicates things in a lot of weird ways, and having just had to change plans I'm immediately trying to figure out what everything means and what I need to know. There is one thing I do know-- my name issue is going to get in the way, and furthermore the financial aid office at school is only open on days and during times when I'm working, so I can't get help easily.
Normally when I'm stressed about something I information-gather and it helps me feel better. The more time I spend on BCIT's website the more I notice their financial aid info hasn't been oudated since the '08/'09 school year, or links don't work, there are misleading typos, or it's just really difficult to find information (you'd think I'd be able to figure out when next term start date is, somewhere in the midst of my emails and the website, right?)
So I'm getting more and more frustrated and scared with this whole business. I need to leave it for the night, eat something, sleep well, get through work tomorrow, and maybe worry about it a different night. That will help; it'll give me time to get used to the idea.
On the plus side, I can find info about counselling on the site.
The only way I can clear the static in my head and write is, as John Steinbeck said, to think of one particular person and write to them. This is something I have been doing in my journal, but I want this out in public where I'm a little more analytical of what comes out.
You know who you are, reader.
So today was school. It wasn't 'real' school, it was orientation, which I'm not going to talk about because it makes me angry. That's a separate post. Suffice it to say, the thing's begun.
And... the thing is big, and stressful and time-consuming in ways I didn't expect or think about. I'm used to valuing my time very highly, having agency over what I do, and keeping my life pretty structured and scheduled. This isn't geared towards that one little bit. None of it.
And that was fine. It was stressy, but fine. I had to sort out some last-minute stuff but I could do it.
Between the time I was talking to the people at the financial aid desk at school and the time I got home this evening, though, Angus decided he's going to quit his job and go back to school full-time, on loans if his parents won't help. He's hoping to go to the Pacific Institute of Culinary Arts, which is the best of the best: fitting, as so's his innate talent with flavours and food, and they also incorporate flexibility about his eating weirdness. I support this decision of his completely and totally, with every bit of my being: he's good at it, he loves it, he's miserable doing what he does now, and I've been on him to do this for three years now. He's gotta do this.
It means that my plan of attack for school (do the first year with work/saved money/help from him, do the second with some loans but mostly on work) is changed. I won't be able to lean on him for help at all financially-- and so probably from here on in I'll need student loan help with tuition.
This is outside my plan. It complicates things in a lot of weird ways, and having just had to change plans I'm immediately trying to figure out what everything means and what I need to know. There is one thing I do know-- my name issue is going to get in the way, and furthermore the financial aid office at school is only open on days and during times when I'm working, so I can't get help easily.
Normally when I'm stressed about something I information-gather and it helps me feel better. The more time I spend on BCIT's website the more I notice their financial aid info hasn't been oudated since the '08/'09 school year, or links don't work, there are misleading typos, or it's just really difficult to find information (you'd think I'd be able to figure out when next term start date is, somewhere in the midst of my emails and the website, right?)
So I'm getting more and more frustrated and scared with this whole business. I need to leave it for the night, eat something, sleep well, get through work tomorrow, and maybe worry about it a different night. That will help; it'll give me time to get used to the idea.
On the plus side, I can find info about counselling on the site.
