Nightwatch
Oct. 2nd, 2010 02:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormWell, here we are. Alive.
I've had a brutal run of days. Some information came through the loop that's made both boys pretty unhappy for various reasons, and so I've felt beseiged in my downtime lately. Well, maybe beseiged isn't the word for it, but it's rough when the people you love and spend time with are synched in that way.
Add that to super long days and almost no sleep, stir in a little homework stress, and life becomes awfully difficult to deal with. You should be forewarned that I'm writing this post in the middle of the night; I've had a good solid six hours' uninterrupted sleep for the first time in a bit and when I'm done writing and maybe doing a little homework I'm going to go back to bed and sleep longer. I'm probably not making very much sense, but I'm lonely, it's the middle of the night, and I want to write.
Today was an interesting day. A lot happened to me involving me; unlike many of the days I pass through, I felt like I was the focus of this one. This may have something to do with keeping my phone off most of the time-- my Ecology class went up to Cypress and did hours of plant collecting, then came home and frantically pressed everything. The class still went overtime, so there wasn't much in the way of time to chat with people. It was exhausting; I must have learned 40 plants (not quite memorized), we didn't get much of a break, and by the time we got through with pressing I was pretty sure if anyone asked anything of me-- even just asked me to be sympathetic for a little while-- I'd just lose it.
Dinner with my mom helped. I got to talk about my classes and teachers, she got to talk about her classes and students (she's a writing prof). I realise just how self-indulgent a lot of my writing has been lately; neither livejournal nor private journalling demand anything of me in terms of good writing. Things just spew out, no forethought really, and I leave them totally unedited. I feel I'd like a bit more of a project than that but maybe I should confine myself to my writing course given the amount of time I have tied up between work and school lately.
Then I went home, was prickly and unkind to people, and went to bed. Six hours later I'm awake, just for a little bit, and lonely in the middle of the night.
I meant to write more here, but it's not writing that I want, I guess. It's a person who's awake, aware, who loves me, and for whom I don't feel emotionally responsible. It being 3am I really need to just go back to sleep and worry about it in the morning.
I'm really bad at what I should do sometimes. Getting better is a slow process and I think this evening has been one long step in the wrong direction.
Okay. Let;s stop that train of thought right there and go sleep. Goodnight, folks.
I've had a brutal run of days. Some information came through the loop that's made both boys pretty unhappy for various reasons, and so I've felt beseiged in my downtime lately. Well, maybe beseiged isn't the word for it, but it's rough when the people you love and spend time with are synched in that way.
Add that to super long days and almost no sleep, stir in a little homework stress, and life becomes awfully difficult to deal with. You should be forewarned that I'm writing this post in the middle of the night; I've had a good solid six hours' uninterrupted sleep for the first time in a bit and when I'm done writing and maybe doing a little homework I'm going to go back to bed and sleep longer. I'm probably not making very much sense, but I'm lonely, it's the middle of the night, and I want to write.
Today was an interesting day. A lot happened to me involving me; unlike many of the days I pass through, I felt like I was the focus of this one. This may have something to do with keeping my phone off most of the time-- my Ecology class went up to Cypress and did hours of plant collecting, then came home and frantically pressed everything. The class still went overtime, so there wasn't much in the way of time to chat with people. It was exhausting; I must have learned 40 plants (not quite memorized), we didn't get much of a break, and by the time we got through with pressing I was pretty sure if anyone asked anything of me-- even just asked me to be sympathetic for a little while-- I'd just lose it.
Dinner with my mom helped. I got to talk about my classes and teachers, she got to talk about her classes and students (she's a writing prof). I realise just how self-indulgent a lot of my writing has been lately; neither livejournal nor private journalling demand anything of me in terms of good writing. Things just spew out, no forethought really, and I leave them totally unedited. I feel I'd like a bit more of a project than that but maybe I should confine myself to my writing course given the amount of time I have tied up between work and school lately.
Then I went home, was prickly and unkind to people, and went to bed. Six hours later I'm awake, just for a little bit, and lonely in the middle of the night.
I meant to write more here, but it's not writing that I want, I guess. It's a person who's awake, aware, who loves me, and for whom I don't feel emotionally responsible. It being 3am I really need to just go back to sleep and worry about it in the morning.
I'm really bad at what I should do sometimes. Getting better is a slow process and I think this evening has been one long step in the wrong direction.
Okay. Let;s stop that train of thought right there and go sleep. Goodnight, folks.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-02 01:18 pm (UTC)*hugs* Hope you slept well.
C