Tired

[greenstorm]

I'm tired of being broken. Tonight I'm drained. All this weekend I've been drained.

I'm tired of feeling bad. I'm tired of crying in the spaces between people walking along the sidewalk and pulling it together for each passerby. I'm not fond of excusing myself to use the bathroom to cry for five minutes, purging the pain as quickly as possible so I can wash my face and return to company. I hate feeling like a lead weight around people. Sitting at home feeling bad would be far worse.

I'm tired of writing about bad things. I am just so fucking sick and tired of it. I want my life back but, of course, that won't happen.

I want advice but I don't want to intrude on people and I don't want to whine.

I want to just sit there with people who will put their arms around me and sit for an hour or two like that. Just that.

I want to stop thinking of him when I think of sex and having my soul melt down into incandescent slag.

Want, want, want.

Tired.

Comments

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

There can be a visit and tea and not much talking or lots. And food.

[breklor.livejournal.com]

What she said. Although you may want to wait a couple of days until I'm not snurfly and contagious first.

[sheistheweather]

*cuddles*