Well.

[greenstorm]

That was a good long break. Maybe it was my longest break from livejournal ever.

Everything has been busy changing. I'm not sure where to begin.

School, that demanding mistress, is back in my life and more demanding than before, possibly more demanding by far. It's less immediately interesting too, although learning feels good. This month I moved, I worked, I had school, and I had a school field trip that put us in Merrit, BC for three days. I feel desperately behind. Nothing is done enough or well enough, but it keeps piling up. You know the feeling, right?

I'll be more serene when I have time to sweep the construction dust off my beautiful new floor and take the piled up boxes out of the kitchen.

The relationship wheel has turned. You know that. Michael, who never did have quite as much time to give me as I would have liked, has decided I don't have enough time for him and has ended things there. Angus and I are through as partners, though we remain occasional lovers. In both cases I retain cherished friends, and of course I love; two more sharp knocks against a hollow in my chest that I'm too busy to think too much about.

This morning, when I'm supposed to be in class but instead am at the school library doing homework and being incredibly sad, I'm trying especially hard not to think about any of it.

This is the first dark grey rainy day of the season; that might have something to do with this feeling. Probably, though, it's also that I haven't had a chance to slow down, not even a little bit, and mourning will tear through and make itself a space if you ignore it for too long.

I don't have time to see anyone, not even my friends, and it's hard on me. Even with the little amount of time it's been people interact differently, being in the room with people I care about isn't always like coming home anymore. I want to escape, up north to work maybe. Instead I am committed here.

Comments

[joyousandjuicy.livejournal.com]

*squeeze*

[tao-of-quinton.livejournal.com]

I do really cherish what we still have, and how our lives will still intertwine in the future. *hugs*

[andi-sunrider.livejournal.com]

You've been in my thoughts a lot as the season is changing. I took pictures of a tree in Atlanta so I could ask you what it was:) Glad to see an update hon.

[dunfalach.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thinking of you and praying for you, my friend.

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Hi. If you need to study at someone's house while they cook and work, I can do that.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

I think of you often when I wander outside, touching the plants and turning the earth. Be well.