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greenstormI sat for a bit, and now I'm freaking out. So.
Right now I don't seem to be able to combine doing good living stuff + school + people. Good living stuff can be defined as eating food, drinking water, responding to communications, that sort of thing. I'm curling up inside my own skull and I get my back up when I need to come out. Everything is existing in relation to school; if "school" is the goal, then anything that interfered in that goal makes me irritable, like being rubbed with sandpaper and the bits of sand rub off and get under my skin and I can't get them out for awhile afterwards. I enjoy things only in support of school -- talking to these people are good because they're in my class and it's good to talk about the ideas, sex is good because it takes my mind off things and lets me reset, walks along the beach are good because they let me think over ideas without having to be actively engaging and I make connections that way.
I don't know how true any of this is long-term, but it's how I'm feeling right now.
I'll check in again in a bit I guess.
Right now I don't seem to be able to combine doing good living stuff + school + people. Good living stuff can be defined as eating food, drinking water, responding to communications, that sort of thing. I'm curling up inside my own skull and I get my back up when I need to come out. Everything is existing in relation to school; if "school" is the goal, then anything that interfered in that goal makes me irritable, like being rubbed with sandpaper and the bits of sand rub off and get under my skin and I can't get them out for awhile afterwards. I enjoy things only in support of school -- talking to these people are good because they're in my class and it's good to talk about the ideas, sex is good because it takes my mind off things and lets me reset, walks along the beach are good because they let me think over ideas without having to be actively engaging and I make connections that way.
I don't know how true any of this is long-term, but it's how I'm feeling right now.
I'll check in again in a bit I guess.
