greenstorm | Failure?

There was a discussion on a mailing list recently over whether failure was bad or not. I think they decided that people believe unequivocally that it is.

Certainly, I feel bad when I fail at something that's important to me, and often I will not allow something to be important to me because I'm afraid of failing.

More often than failing completely, though, often an approach to something will fail. Sometimes it'll work for awhile and then just suddenly stop, sometimes it won't work in the first place. This is kind of confusing at times, because so often I rely on the world around me being consistent, but of course it isn't. It takes me awhile to recognise failure in a situation when it comes to me, and then I take even longer to figure out whether I've failed just in this situation, or at the thing in general.

Sometimes you do have to give up on something altogether. Sometimes you need to back away and consider the situation, though, so you can look at it and approach it differently. Sometimes you even have a backlog of different ways to approach the situation, and can try them in a row, bang bang bang, and maybe one will work.

In a lot of situations failure, either of the situation or of the thing in general, isn't at all critical. Juggling, riding a bike, even growing pawpaws; a little oney or a little time is wasted, but these things have little to no impact when you can't do them.

I don't think I particularly fail more at the important stuff, where I and other people are hurt as a consequence. I do know that I notice it nore. I don't like doing it. It's harder to try other ways of approaching the thing when my or other peoples' happiness is involved.

Particularly in relationship stuff (and you knew I was going here, because this is always what it's about) I don't feel like I should fail at things, especially if they've worked for awhile. That is, I think it's okay intellectually to do, but it hurts me a lot when there's disappointment or sadness on anyone's side when it doesn't work out. Further, it's a lot harder to change tacks, bang bang bang, when there are other people involved. People like stability, me amongst them.

I have the firm belief that it's okay to ask for anything, as long as the other people can say no. I've changed that, recently, to 'it's okay to ask, as long as the other people can say no *and know it*.' Granted, it's tricky to know what someone else knows, and that tangles me up sometimes, but it was an important addition.

So I'll ask, and I'll keep going, and we'll see about finding a situation that fits everyone involved. I'm just afraid, right now and for no particular reason, that there isn't one.