Cup runneth over
Apr. 13th, 2020 08:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI normally think of myself as having a lot of emotional capacity. If something's happening, I have a fairly significant ability to feel it, process it, and be functional while coping with it.
If we think of coping like a cup, it fills up with things that need processing and then empties overnight or through restorative events. I'm used to that cup having a certain amount of room in it.
Right now it feels like that cup is mostly full. It doesn't take much more to tip it over into a state where I'm not really able to emotionally cope. What this means is that I have trouble sorting through relationship logistics conversations, farm mishaps, neighbour dogs visiting, and the (admittedly higher-than-normal) toxicity of facebook.
Whether this is lack of exercise, lack of alternatives to the low-grade antagonism of social media, too many people dying in ways I'd rather not think about due to systems I'd rather not think about, uncertainty about the future... who knows? But I definitely have more limited ability to roll with things, to experience my emotions and sort through them, to be in full contact with my inner life and with my body.
Having said that, I've at least been able to do some stuff. I got the chimney cleaned, I need to move the pigs, I need to cure eggs 2 ways (salted yolks and century eggs), I am going to plant greens in the greenhouse and in planters on the deck. Doing those things feels good and restorative, as does one-on-one chat with some of my folks.
I haven't had this much bandwidth to devote to my garden since I got here. I'm doing a bunch of expansion: more haskap and maybe elderberry this year, maybe asparagus (it's about time!). More beds.
I'm trying to sort out how to put in raised beds without snowmelt becoming a hydrological nightmare of mudholes or erosive runoff. All the permaculture/regenerative sources I'm familiar with are very concerned with trapping as much water as they can, and that's fair, but I'm not sure that I can handle a month of raised beds surrounded by a lake while the water takes its time getting into my clay.
Thoughts, anyhow. Have a good spring day out there.
If we think of coping like a cup, it fills up with things that need processing and then empties overnight or through restorative events. I'm used to that cup having a certain amount of room in it.
Right now it feels like that cup is mostly full. It doesn't take much more to tip it over into a state where I'm not really able to emotionally cope. What this means is that I have trouble sorting through relationship logistics conversations, farm mishaps, neighbour dogs visiting, and the (admittedly higher-than-normal) toxicity of facebook.
Whether this is lack of exercise, lack of alternatives to the low-grade antagonism of social media, too many people dying in ways I'd rather not think about due to systems I'd rather not think about, uncertainty about the future... who knows? But I definitely have more limited ability to roll with things, to experience my emotions and sort through them, to be in full contact with my inner life and with my body.
Having said that, I've at least been able to do some stuff. I got the chimney cleaned, I need to move the pigs, I need to cure eggs 2 ways (salted yolks and century eggs), I am going to plant greens in the greenhouse and in planters on the deck. Doing those things feels good and restorative, as does one-on-one chat with some of my folks.
I haven't had this much bandwidth to devote to my garden since I got here. I'm doing a bunch of expansion: more haskap and maybe elderberry this year, maybe asparagus (it's about time!). More beds.
I'm trying to sort out how to put in raised beds without snowmelt becoming a hydrological nightmare of mudholes or erosive runoff. All the permaculture/regenerative sources I'm familiar with are very concerned with trapping as much water as they can, and that's fair, but I'm not sure that I can handle a month of raised beds surrounded by a lake while the water takes its time getting into my clay.
Thoughts, anyhow. Have a good spring day out there.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-14 05:11 am (UTC)