Social Bedrock
Jun. 24th, 2020 01:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI'm having a lot of trouble with masks.
So consensus is that cloth/homemade masks help prevent spread. "We wear them to keep other people safe" from us. Happy to do that. At least, in theory.
I'm running into a couple issues, though.
The first one is that I'm feeling bad about using them wrong. There's been quite an evolution of messaging on masks and one of the major phases it went through was "if you can't use a mask right don't use one at all" and some shaming. That shaming's stuck with me and set up some sort of resonance with my perfectionism. No, I can't get a mask to seal around the top of my nose regardless of wire used. There's always a little bit of a gap between my under-cheekbone and the fabric. I can't get it out of the laundry and into a sealed bag without touching it.
Current messaging is relaxing on this stuff, and I'm sure more use will help me. A lot of this is practice. I spend so, so little time outside of my own fences that I am not getting that practice in. I've practiced at home a little bit, and that's where I realise this is a little more complicated.
Because.
I have real trouble with our current social law around clothing. That is, even without years of clothing causing me to need to medicate so the discomfort and hives were bearable, the psychic pressure of body-shame and religious legacy that created our current clothing mores is really difficult for me. It always has been. It makes me angry, and furious, and hurt, and all sorts of terrible things to have to think about it.
When the mask was a little additional fashion statement to help other folks it was ok. When it's starting to feel like a mandatory additional piece of clothing it kicks into my issues with our current mandatory clothing. When it's a mandatory piece of clothing that people are debating, well. How can folks who think that nipples needing to be covered is a law of physics even engage in a debate on this sort of thing? How can there be a debate on the necessity of preventing the spread of disease, which should have a self-evident answer, when no debate could be had about the necessity of hiding the rest of our bodies? I'm not against folks who need accommodation to breathe, but where was my accommodation when I was fantasizing about removing my skin with a vegetable peeler because my clothing hurt me?
I mean, intellectually I get it. But.
It's so hard. And it all flashes through me whenever I think about wearing a mask, so I just... don't. And I don't leave the property. And I'll need to get over it eventually but it's so much fucking work and I'm tired of doing work to support normative society. I'm tired of people. I just want to stay here with my very few folks and let the world out there burn.
Anyhow, it's just hard for me right now.
Luckily the garden is pouring out greens and the green tomatoes are showing.
So consensus is that cloth/homemade masks help prevent spread. "We wear them to keep other people safe" from us. Happy to do that. At least, in theory.
I'm running into a couple issues, though.
The first one is that I'm feeling bad about using them wrong. There's been quite an evolution of messaging on masks and one of the major phases it went through was "if you can't use a mask right don't use one at all" and some shaming. That shaming's stuck with me and set up some sort of resonance with my perfectionism. No, I can't get a mask to seal around the top of my nose regardless of wire used. There's always a little bit of a gap between my under-cheekbone and the fabric. I can't get it out of the laundry and into a sealed bag without touching it.
Current messaging is relaxing on this stuff, and I'm sure more use will help me. A lot of this is practice. I spend so, so little time outside of my own fences that I am not getting that practice in. I've practiced at home a little bit, and that's where I realise this is a little more complicated.
Because.
I have real trouble with our current social law around clothing. That is, even without years of clothing causing me to need to medicate so the discomfort and hives were bearable, the psychic pressure of body-shame and religious legacy that created our current clothing mores is really difficult for me. It always has been. It makes me angry, and furious, and hurt, and all sorts of terrible things to have to think about it.
When the mask was a little additional fashion statement to help other folks it was ok. When it's starting to feel like a mandatory additional piece of clothing it kicks into my issues with our current mandatory clothing. When it's a mandatory piece of clothing that people are debating, well. How can folks who think that nipples needing to be covered is a law of physics even engage in a debate on this sort of thing? How can there be a debate on the necessity of preventing the spread of disease, which should have a self-evident answer, when no debate could be had about the necessity of hiding the rest of our bodies? I'm not against folks who need accommodation to breathe, but where was my accommodation when I was fantasizing about removing my skin with a vegetable peeler because my clothing hurt me?
I mean, intellectually I get it. But.
It's so hard. And it all flashes through me whenever I think about wearing a mask, so I just... don't. And I don't leave the property. And I'll need to get over it eventually but it's so much fucking work and I'm tired of doing work to support normative society. I'm tired of people. I just want to stay here with my very few folks and let the world out there burn.
Anyhow, it's just hard for me right now.
Luckily the garden is pouring out greens and the green tomatoes are showing.
