I don't know how to say this
Sep. 1st, 2020 04:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormBut I've had so many worse years than 2020.
The years I was in university were worse, especially when I was also trying to recover from my big car accident and didn't realize I had a concussion.
The year I got pregnant over Christmas while working a bunch of different cobbled-together jobs and went to the hospital with a high fever and abdominal pain, then got chewed out by the doctor in the hospital for not being on hormonal birth control ("it makes me suicidal" "that doesn't matter, without it you'll die of breast cancer") and moving twice and maybe there was a breakup in there? was worse.
The year I got kicked out of living with mom and couldn't support myself and moved to a very suburby place and still couldn't support myself and was out of bus range to visit anyone I knew and together with the person I lived with who was paying for my housing we were doing our first major poly was worse.
The years I lived with my dad after my brother died were worse. Tose years were so much worse.
I'm very lucky right now, sitting here waiting for my jars of pasta sauce to cool and my jars for applesauce to sanitize, in a house I own that I may conceivably be able to keep owning through the next several years if the stars align, with life projects that most days feel like they matter to the world and with people who love me and though many of them may be far away some are not.
And I think covid is helping me to realize I don't really like travel much anyways. I'd rather people came to me. Ha.
The years I was in university were worse, especially when I was also trying to recover from my big car accident and didn't realize I had a concussion.
The year I got pregnant over Christmas while working a bunch of different cobbled-together jobs and went to the hospital with a high fever and abdominal pain, then got chewed out by the doctor in the hospital for not being on hormonal birth control ("it makes me suicidal" "that doesn't matter, without it you'll die of breast cancer") and moving twice and maybe there was a breakup in there? was worse.
The year I got kicked out of living with mom and couldn't support myself and moved to a very suburby place and still couldn't support myself and was out of bus range to visit anyone I knew and together with the person I lived with who was paying for my housing we were doing our first major poly was worse.
The years I lived with my dad after my brother died were worse. Tose years were so much worse.
I'm very lucky right now, sitting here waiting for my jars of pasta sauce to cool and my jars for applesauce to sanitize, in a house I own that I may conceivably be able to keep owning through the next several years if the stars align, with life projects that most days feel like they matter to the world and with people who love me and though many of them may be far away some are not.
And I think covid is helping me to realize I don't really like travel much anyways. I'd rather people came to me. Ha.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-17 04:24 pm (UTC)As for uncertainty, that makes sense. It seems like you have the confidence/know yourself well enough that if a situation is actively bad for you, it won't be a stable one!