Sex and More Sex

[greenstorm]

Okay, here's the thing. Well, it's two things, but anyhow...

So I'm in one of those periods of time (weeks?) where sex is pretty much all I can think about. Could be spring, could be any number of other random things, but that's where I am. And I'm not really talking about a quick fuck or two here -- it may be that what I actually want is intimacy, and it's coming out as a desire for sex, who knows.

There isn't a ton of interest/availability for the stuff that I want within my current setup right now. I don't know that it necessarily needs to be followed up on, but keep with my train of thought here.

So, I'm poly. It'd make sense for me to, you know, go find someone to have a bunch of sex with. Sure, there are some hoops to jump through to do that with me, some strings attached, but it should be a prospect that some compatible guy out there would find intriguing, right?

But, I find that suddenly, somehow, I'm afraid of guys. This is weird. When I first met the SO, I was fearless. I initiated that relationship with maybe a little nervousness, but it was fun, I enjoyed it, and there was nothing holding me back. The Juggler? Same. The Exotic? Same. I've never been afraid of any of my relationships.

Well, maybe six months ago, maybe longer ago, there was this big fear that came in. When sexual attraction entered the picture, I got scared. I get scared, ignore, run away, whatever. If I'm sitting there across the room from someone and feel that mutual-attraction tug, I don't turn and smile at him anymore. I look the other way and scowl, because I'm scared. So what's with that?

I'm not even sure what I'm scared of. It could be rejection, I suppose, that's pretty standard. It could be... I don't know. It feels like standard dark-alley fear of guys who'll beat you up and rape you, the kind associated with a lot of feminist rhetoric. It has nothing to do with anything the guys do, it's coming from inside myself when sex seems like an option. So...?

Yeah, so that kind of bothers me. I don't like having that kind of reaction. It's sorta bigoted, I can't think of any event that triggered it, and it's leaving me to miss out on possibly interesting guys. I want it to go away.

Anyone have any clue what I'm talking about?

Comments

Vee don't need no steenking men!

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

I can certainly sympathize on the rampant-desire-for-sex-and-not-much-out-there-for-me-but-wtf-is-that-all-about-because-hell-I'm-poly angle.

I think the solution is for you and I to have more sex.

;-)

Re: Vee don't need no steenking men!

[khamura.livejournal.com]

*raises hand* I can sympathize with that angle as well. (I also sympathize with the proposed solution. *eyeshift*)

Seriously though... just thought I'd mention it's not a purely female poly issue.

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

Btw, that silly comment was an effort to communicate sympathy without offering advice, since unfortunately I don't really understand what's up there. I've felt it before myself, but never figured out what was going on before it blew over. So, hopefully yours will blow over?

In the meantime, I'm here, with multiple phalluses to choose from (I wasn't kidding about that bit ;-)

My off-handed remark and other thoughts...

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Obviously you should be having more sex with women...Speaking of, what *are* you doing Wednesday? *nudgenudge...*

Hrm, I often have a similar fear of women, and occaisionally, of men. (Sadly, often in the world of sex/attraction, I consider men to be 'easy' for me to 'get' and tend to have less angst. It's women who are precious and fleeting and...etc.) I find, for me, it's that I'm usually nursing some insecurity over 'how to do this' or nursing some deeper fear of rejection, etc, that has to do with a past relationship.
I'd try to narrow down the fear from "fear of men" to "fear of men doing X" to "why does men doign X scare me?"

*hugs*

Re: My off-handed remark and other thoughts...

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

It's not snuggling intimacy that I do need. I know how to get that when I need it. It's the... active participation with someone towards a shared goal that we're both very interested in, and not just offhandedly so. That kind of intimacy. Sex tends to provide a very strong, very binding goal, mutual pleasure, that you're united in getting and usually pretty committed to at the time.

Re: My off-handed remark and other thoughts...

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Goin over to your place, last I heard. Ditto Monday?

Re: My off-handed remark and other thoughts...

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

*bwan-chicka-wa-wa*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_locke/]

Anyone have any clue what I'm talking about?

No, but does it make me a bad person that this makes me want to have sex with you? ;)

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Yes. Horrible and awful. Maybe you need to purge thse urges with a good rape. ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_locke/]

Is this my cue to call for volunteers? ;)

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can volunteer...
1) it seems wrong to volunteer for rape
2) you *do* have keys to the house.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_locke/]

I think you miss the implied difference between rape (the criminal/immoral act) and "rape" the roleplay which can be quite fun with the right person.