Follies and Free Agents
Jun. 9th, 2003 10:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormThe slicing blade of closure has taken my past from me. The other day, at my brother's Graduation, I saw my father for the second time in six or so years. He was in the same room with my Mom for the first time in seven or eight years.
This isn't some stupid teenage novel where I'm hoping they'll get back together. This is my life, where no lawsuits occurred, no one ended up crying, and so I'm...
Jubilant? No. Happy? Not even. Safe, perhaps. Closure has been achieved. I don't have that backup excuse to fall on any more. All those loose ends are tied up. All the people in that little tragedy are getting on with their lives by themselves, finally, and so my immense bitterness at how that worked out can finally be let go. And now what?
When you learn that sometimes things that you really need and really want can happen, that sometimes they do turn out alright, then what? It's time for a worldview revision and I'm not entirely sure what to put in its place. I'm a free agent now, really truly not controlled by that stuff anymore, and at somewhat of a loss.
This isn't some stupid teenage novel where I'm hoping they'll get back together. This is my life, where no lawsuits occurred, no one ended up crying, and so I'm...
Jubilant? No. Happy? Not even. Safe, perhaps. Closure has been achieved. I don't have that backup excuse to fall on any more. All those loose ends are tied up. All the people in that little tragedy are getting on with their lives by themselves, finally, and so my immense bitterness at how that worked out can finally be let go. And now what?
When you learn that sometimes things that you really need and really want can happen, that sometimes they do turn out alright, then what? It's time for a worldview revision and I'm not entirely sure what to put in its place. I'm a free agent now, really truly not controlled by that stuff anymore, and at somewhat of a loss.
