Therapy x2
Apr. 26th, 2019 02:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormIt's spring. Things are overwhelming.
There are geese in my incubator, geese in my bathtub, geese in my livingroom (in a brooder), geese at my backdoor, and ...well, geese everywhere.
The pigs are out on their field, so far digging happily and respecting the electric fence.
26 trees arrive in the next few days and need to go into the ground (plus assorted bushes, of course).
2 relationships are ending this year. The third one needs some foundation work done.
I have been without local community for awhile because, frankly, I'm afraid to put myself out there in a culture I don't fully understand (is "drop by anytime" literal meaning? are there cues I need to know) and a smallish pool of people. I need to build community.
And field season is starting at work so I'll be away from home a bunch, 9 hours' drive up the lake with little to no communication.
It got bad enough that I started thinking, what if I'm too sad to get out of bed and I can't take care of the animals? How will I downsize to prevent that happening? Then I scheduled a therapist visit and helped a gosling hatch and had a good talk with Tucker. Things are better now.
When I took the first round of goslings outside for the first time they huddled under me and for a little while I was a mama goose (I will wear pants next time). They loved me and it was sweet.
I rescued a late hatcher from the nest of the goose family mama and it hatched in the incubator just fine. Everyone has an animal named Lucky, right?
The pigs are so happy and my dogs have been persuaded the pigs are ok to be out.
Tucker has been learning to feel and self-advocate for his boundaries to the extent we can start to see the shape of them, which is incredibly relaxing. It turns things from a scary guessing game into an issue of logistics.
And my therapist does the sort of redirection where I come in feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, and go out feeling like I have a plan and I'm looking forward to a new set of challenges. Also helps that they seem sympathetic but encouraging when I say it's hard.
It feels good to own my shit; the lack of control involved in giving my life to others is really unpleasant.
I need to do things with folks in my community, though. I have 2 in mind: helping someone with a garden, and chatting/picking up a thing from another person. Witness this: I need to do these things, I'm scared. I will do them both before the end of May.
Phew.
Life is ok, but it was sure a rough weekend.
There are geese in my incubator, geese in my bathtub, geese in my livingroom (in a brooder), geese at my backdoor, and ...well, geese everywhere.
The pigs are out on their field, so far digging happily and respecting the electric fence.
26 trees arrive in the next few days and need to go into the ground (plus assorted bushes, of course).
2 relationships are ending this year. The third one needs some foundation work done.
I have been without local community for awhile because, frankly, I'm afraid to put myself out there in a culture I don't fully understand (is "drop by anytime" literal meaning? are there cues I need to know) and a smallish pool of people. I need to build community.
And field season is starting at work so I'll be away from home a bunch, 9 hours' drive up the lake with little to no communication.
It got bad enough that I started thinking, what if I'm too sad to get out of bed and I can't take care of the animals? How will I downsize to prevent that happening? Then I scheduled a therapist visit and helped a gosling hatch and had a good talk with Tucker. Things are better now.
When I took the first round of goslings outside for the first time they huddled under me and for a little while I was a mama goose (I will wear pants next time). They loved me and it was sweet.
I rescued a late hatcher from the nest of the goose family mama and it hatched in the incubator just fine. Everyone has an animal named Lucky, right?
The pigs are so happy and my dogs have been persuaded the pigs are ok to be out.
Tucker has been learning to feel and self-advocate for his boundaries to the extent we can start to see the shape of them, which is incredibly relaxing. It turns things from a scary guessing game into an issue of logistics.
And my therapist does the sort of redirection where I come in feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, and go out feeling like I have a plan and I'm looking forward to a new set of challenges. Also helps that they seem sympathetic but encouraging when I say it's hard.
It feels good to own my shit; the lack of control involved in giving my life to others is really unpleasant.
I need to do things with folks in my community, though. I have 2 in mind: helping someone with a garden, and chatting/picking up a thing from another person. Witness this: I need to do these things, I'm scared. I will do them both before the end of May.
Phew.
Life is ok, but it was sure a rough weekend.
