Greenie In Triplicate

[greenstorm]

So I've been thinking.

There are three major parts of my mind that respond to something. Two of them are easily confused: one I'll call the core-Greenie, and one the expected-Greenie. The former is just my immediate emotional reactions or needs in a situation. The latter is what I think I should feel, what i am expected to feel, what I feel because of my symbolic interpretation of things, generally based on how the society I've grown up in interprets things. So something will happen, then I'll feel something. This something might be something I actually feel about the situation (core) or it might be how I think I should feel about the situation, generally because this situation's also supposed to imply other situations (expected).

There's also the perspective-monster, which comes along after my immediate reactions. That's the part of me which says: Okay. I'm feeling bad because I can't spend time with the Juggler this week. It doesn't scar me permanently, it doesn't mean the relationship's going poorly and he doesn't like me (expected). I do feel lonely/missing him (core), but I don't really expect to not feel that way ever. So, the summary of this whole thing is that I'm a little unhappy about one thing and should do other things that do make me happy.

This insight has been brought to you by the letter A.

Comments

[khamura.livejournal.com]

I've found that the perspective-monster can be a real bitch -- for me, that is. Not in the sense that it comes too late or not at all, but rather the other way around: for me it's usually kicking in almost instantly, and sometimes I wish I could just go back to where the roads diverged in the wood, take the one more travelled by. But nothing is ever easy, and my vow not to cop out is older than my lifestyle choices.