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greenstormLooks like I'm on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster right now.
Last night I responded to a discussion about ecological management on facebook. Never a good idea. I worked hard to be thorough, nuanced, nonattacking, and empathetic with folks I have some reason to believe are ok people. It went... fine, but it's never worth it. I expend so much energy and so much of my good mental health is lost.
I can't save the world. It's gonna burn sooner or later, and that's ok. According to natural law they, and by extension me, deserve it. I do wish I could do what evolution does next, and whether it's a survivor-level collapse.
I also sort-of learned to castrate piglets today: squeeze, cut, squeeze, pull/rip. There were only 2 little males and I held/observed, so the next litter the vet tech is going to come up and help me so I can cut and she hold. It's actually kind of amazing how many kink skills overlap farming skills, to be honest.
Between those two things I was just all adrenaline and darkness from last night until I had a bit of a sit-down before lunch, made myself eat, and then went to work and read UNDRIP and the BC government draft principles for indigenous people or whatever it's called. That was soothing but I can feel the adrenaline aftereffects in my body: every time it hits me that hard I lose the same amount of muscle ability that I'd lose in two to three weeks of complete inactivity and have to build it back. It's kind of fascinating how quickly I can lose strength.
I'm ok now, though I'm going to prioritize doing yoga and reading quietly and snuggling dogs and people and cats and watching animals till next week. Maybe I'll hunt down my old boss and sit in his hot tub with a farm book. I miss him. I miss all of them.
Also gonna (independent of the conversation on facebook) ask my new boss why she thinks there aren't any aboriginal people working for my office. Will be interesting to see what she has to say.
Last night I responded to a discussion about ecological management on facebook. Never a good idea. I worked hard to be thorough, nuanced, nonattacking, and empathetic with folks I have some reason to believe are ok people. It went... fine, but it's never worth it. I expend so much energy and so much of my good mental health is lost.
I can't save the world. It's gonna burn sooner or later, and that's ok. According to natural law they, and by extension me, deserve it. I do wish I could do what evolution does next, and whether it's a survivor-level collapse.
I also sort-of learned to castrate piglets today: squeeze, cut, squeeze, pull/rip. There were only 2 little males and I held/observed, so the next litter the vet tech is going to come up and help me so I can cut and she hold. It's actually kind of amazing how many kink skills overlap farming skills, to be honest.
Between those two things I was just all adrenaline and darkness from last night until I had a bit of a sit-down before lunch, made myself eat, and then went to work and read UNDRIP and the BC government draft principles for indigenous people or whatever it's called. That was soothing but I can feel the adrenaline aftereffects in my body: every time it hits me that hard I lose the same amount of muscle ability that I'd lose in two to three weeks of complete inactivity and have to build it back. It's kind of fascinating how quickly I can lose strength.
I'm ok now, though I'm going to prioritize doing yoga and reading quietly and snuggling dogs and people and cats and watching animals till next week. Maybe I'll hunt down my old boss and sit in his hot tub with a farm book. I miss him. I miss all of them.
Also gonna (independent of the conversation on facebook) ask my new boss why she thinks there aren't any aboriginal people working for my office. Will be interesting to see what she has to say.
