Weekend.

[greenstorm]

I try not to have a to-do list. It's depressing. Instead, I try to have a done-list.

o Garden, very close (sunflowers and watermelon left).
o Rat food obtained
o Rat brick done
o Vet visit done
o Apartment hunting started
o Email caught up
o House tidied
o Halfway through client letter
o Time with people recently had/scheduled
o Food for tonight taken care of
o Sheets changed
o Online plot begun at Chia
o Online duties begun at Chia
o One client issue resolved

To balance, I do still need to:

o Finish client letter and photocopy
o Visit US embassy re: passport
o Dishes/kitchen cleanup
o Call friends/schedule coming week
o Do laundry
o Do more apartment hunting
o Always: work stuff as it comes up, rat cages as they come up.

Good night last night, though I slept through most of it. I need to try and prepare for those by sleeping more. I definitely feel like I'm no longer in a 'steady' relationship -- the nights with someone curled close and affectionately are very set apart from the rest of my life seperate cameo'd bits that don't blur into one another in the least. It's more okay than it was last time I was in this situation. I do need to keep consciously concentrating on other good things in my life, though (school, garden, rats, friends, activities, group activities, Chia stuff, family).

Also had a weird dream about my family in Queen's Park which had been moved to Vancouver Island. It was weird in that it wasn't very surreal, just scenes with my mom and brothers and me doing stuff in the area.

Have two longish (overnight away from th Valley) trips planned this summer: poly retreat and Salt Spring Seeds trip. Will be at the Sealion War on (I think) Saturday -- my first SCA event *ever*. _locke had said something about making a garment of some sort for me, for that kind of thing, once. Offer still on some evening this week, maybe at Estry's place with her assistance? Otherwise I just borrow from Mouse. :)

I think I'm officially declaring myself into 'some types' of 'BDSM'. Talk about a broad umbrella of activities, hm? I was on Womyn's Wear the other day and picked up a book on spanking. I think topping is definitely harder than bottoming in a lot of contexts -- I mean, you don't want to hurt someone, you just wanna have fun, right? I can see it involving lots of thinking/planning and lots of watchign for various kinds of feedback and wondering, is this too far? What about this? Might change with experience with a partner, but starting... whew. Luckily, that's not where my immediate inclinations lie (it's totally a per-partner thing with me though). :>

I know a lot of you Vanpolyers are probably reading this and laughing.

I like my tomato plants.

This has been your semi-daily update. Take care, and smile a bunch for me.

Comments

Topping is harder

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

...for me, it's partially the 'getting to know how to and an individual' stuff; also knowing exactly what to do all the time to make it 'really great'. My desire to please is just as strong as a top as a bottom, but I feel that, as a top, I have more potential to not follow through. This is probably why I don't top more often.

Having said that, though, I find being a bottom can be really frickin' hard: your self-knowledge has to be REALLY high. Knowing your boundaries and limits is the most important thing, and sometimes, you don't know them until they get crossed. Then you have to figure out how to deal with that. You also need to work on your assertiveness, believe it or not; Knowing it's okay to stop things when they get 'too tough' even tho you're not 'supposed' to be in charge.

I tend to push my boundaries in play, so I need to always check with myself 'Am I doing this because I feel obligated, or because it's hot and challenging?' 'Am I gonna end up regretting this?'

I know this comes up more often b/c I do some heavy play, but I think it's a good thing to keep in mind during ANY play; after all, my heavy might be someone's light etc etc.

Re: Topping is harder

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

I tend to push my boundaries in play, so I need to always check with myself 'Am I doing this because I feel obligated, or because it's hot and challenging?' 'Am I gonna end up regretting this?'

I really don't do any heavy play - babboo tells me I'm quite vanilla :) - but I'm aware that my competitive streak (what, me competitive????) can get me into trouble when playing, since I usually won't back down until I'm in quite a lot of pain. At that point, I admit that any lasting discomfort or markings are completely my fault.

Re: Topping is harder

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

I tend to accept a certain amount of residuals etc as part of what I do...but it's the emotional feeling of having put yourself in a position where I've been much more vulnerable than indended, or that my top wasn't "psychic" (ha ha) enough to know I was really suffering, I find that's the 'danger' for me: I have rarely truly feared for my physical safety, but my emotional safety is the area that I know I need to take utmost responsability for.

[pieman.livejournal.com]

but do your tomato plants like to be spanked? what sort of signs have they been giving you? Certainly they might like some bondage, you know, a little tie here, a little tie there.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Nah, these babies are gonna sprawl. ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

I like the idea of a "Done" list - definitely a more positive approach to tasks :) What's your budget for living expenses - I'll keep an eye out for you. I think it's amusing that you picked up a book to decide about spanking interests - when I got to Womyn's Wear, I picked up a book on Lesbian Sex ('The Whole Lesbian Sex Book')for information, since I'd never had a 'girlfriend' before (blush). I also have 'SM 101,' which I can loan you if you'd like to do more research..... Yeah! Salt Spring Seeds!!!!!

hugs

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that'd be cool to borrow.

I knew I had an interest in this -- it's more an exploration tool, since anyone I know and have sex with is pretty new to it too.

Salt Spring Seeds!