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greenstormI had really been relying on my weekends lately for rest and some gardening stuff, which is always theraputic.
Last weekend I spent more-or-less two days travelling to the new place, an afternoon there, an evening and the next morning discussing, then a day travelling back home. That breaks the "don't travel for longer than you'll be somewhere" rule and is murder on my "trouble with transitions" thing. Then I went over to Tucker's Tuesday night. This is going to be the first day in awhile I haven't had to leave the house, and I have a zoom work thing (though seed-saving related, so should be good). I just need to stop moving a bit.
And I need to slow down emotionally too. Avallu, who hadn't got out for awhile, was out this morning. That always bothers me a lot, and it should; I may need to tether him. I know where he's getting through but not sure how he's doing it. Josh has had some things go down with his other relationship, and a metamour change always shifts the energies in a current relationship, as does everyone involved moving: Tucker to the city, me to Sayward, Josh to Az part-time. Then there's feelings about Threshold and leaving here, and there needs to be room for feelings about the new place. Not to mention feelings about going in on something big with two people I've known long but not necessarily deeply (nor does knowing someone deeply equate to living with someone, which in turn doesn't reveal how it will be sharing gardening which I love more than I love my life).
Even once all that's done I'm also tired of thinking. Walking through the new place was so much information gathering, as was talking to A&E, and now that's trying to sort and settle and pattern and plan while I meanwhile need to do work at work, make decisions about my house (do I rent it out for awhile? Sell right away? What's involved?).
And then there's animal daily maintenance (Hooligan had her piglets! 3 boys, 2 girls, very orange; I'm getting a third of a 5-gallon bucket of eggs a day right now) and watching and maintaining myself and following through on my report at work that the employee line basically won't serve me when I ask to talk to someone who can handle gender stuff (I've been referred through three people now and I'm tired of re-explaining at this point) and--
it's just a lot. I needed last weekend off. This weekend I need to castrate the piglets and pack Tucker's kitchen (I offered to do it way back and am still committed, if he can help me haul a dead pig and castrate piglets I can pack a kitchen dammit) and pack up some seeds and send them out for can't-be-missed seed trades and to get some stuff to E to start for the new place.
I had just started living my life more in the moment, and now here I am again pushing off taking the time to be ok until just after I get this next thing done.
I see myself doing this. I'm not sure what my alternative is. To not go down, I guess?
Last weekend I spent more-or-less two days travelling to the new place, an afternoon there, an evening and the next morning discussing, then a day travelling back home. That breaks the "don't travel for longer than you'll be somewhere" rule and is murder on my "trouble with transitions" thing. Then I went over to Tucker's Tuesday night. This is going to be the first day in awhile I haven't had to leave the house, and I have a zoom work thing (though seed-saving related, so should be good). I just need to stop moving a bit.
And I need to slow down emotionally too. Avallu, who hadn't got out for awhile, was out this morning. That always bothers me a lot, and it should; I may need to tether him. I know where he's getting through but not sure how he's doing it. Josh has had some things go down with his other relationship, and a metamour change always shifts the energies in a current relationship, as does everyone involved moving: Tucker to the city, me to Sayward, Josh to Az part-time. Then there's feelings about Threshold and leaving here, and there needs to be room for feelings about the new place. Not to mention feelings about going in on something big with two people I've known long but not necessarily deeply (nor does knowing someone deeply equate to living with someone, which in turn doesn't reveal how it will be sharing gardening which I love more than I love my life).
Even once all that's done I'm also tired of thinking. Walking through the new place was so much information gathering, as was talking to A&E, and now that's trying to sort and settle and pattern and plan while I meanwhile need to do work at work, make decisions about my house (do I rent it out for awhile? Sell right away? What's involved?).
And then there's animal daily maintenance (Hooligan had her piglets! 3 boys, 2 girls, very orange; I'm getting a third of a 5-gallon bucket of eggs a day right now) and watching and maintaining myself and following through on my report at work that the employee line basically won't serve me when I ask to talk to someone who can handle gender stuff (I've been referred through three people now and I'm tired of re-explaining at this point) and--
it's just a lot. I needed last weekend off. This weekend I need to castrate the piglets and pack Tucker's kitchen (I offered to do it way back and am still committed, if he can help me haul a dead pig and castrate piglets I can pack a kitchen dammit) and pack up some seeds and send them out for can't-be-missed seed trades and to get some stuff to E to start for the new place.
I had just started living my life more in the moment, and now here I am again pushing off taking the time to be ok until just after I get this next thing done.
I see myself doing this. I'm not sure what my alternative is. To not go down, I guess?
