Two Notes to Self

[greenstorm]

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Hadin-Elgin

and

When some people are hurt, they do things like toss around ultimatums.

I should try not to do that.

Comments

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

I guess I'd prefer it if you'd say straight out, "These are my boundaries; I'm concerned that they're being ignored." Honestly, I don't think I've ever actually seen a situation where someone is consciously and deliberately ignoring your boundaries. The ultimatum thing feels like a mind game.

Unfortunately, my usual reaction to hearing an ultimatum (or what I, rightly or wrongly, interpret as such) is to call the bluff ("Her or you? OK, I'll take her then -- at least she's not issuing ultimatums" "I have to do this or you'll leave? OK, leave then -- at least I won't have to put up with any more ultimatums" you get the picture). Maybe that's not such a functional tactic either, but it's a defensive reaction of mine when I feel I'm being manipulated.