Two Notes to Self

[greenstorm]

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Hadin-Elgin

and

When some people are hurt, they do things like toss around ultimatums.

I should try not to do that.

Comments

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

I tend to use ultimatums as a device when I feel my boundaries are being ignored; I will say, "This must happen!" but it's a notch or two past the actual boundary.

In this situation (and I know how you feel, despite the fact that pple we're involved with arn't ACTUALLY out ot screw us over) I have tried something more along this tact:
"I want X, Y, Z, with a cherry on top. However, I need you to know that X is my bottom line, and I will not sacrifice that."

The first part states my ideals, or realistic ideals out of the situation. The second part has what I will not do without (security, personal freedom, whatever). This, to me, gives some room for negotiation, while setting out the cards on the table.