And Some Magic!

I nearly forgot. On the way out home the Juggler took me to an aquarium store that's fairly comprehensive in nature. It had a shark tank and a bunch of neat stuff and bright stuff, both marine and freshwater. And... it had a seahorse. Not a seahorse like in pictures but some sort of mythical faerie creature all delivate and crystal with amazing eyes. This thing was incredible. I feel blessed for having seen it.

Check-in

Well, it's morning #2 here (I tend to wake up with the sun and nap intermittently until I stay out of bed for good. This is the second waking period).

So here's the thing. Last night, by the time I'd finished writing, I felt pretty stable. Whatever my emotions were doing I was in control of myself, everything was okay, there was a certain amount of calm n there in the bits that counted.

I woke up this morning and what now? I'm feeling edgy, resentful, annoyed, snappish. There's no one around to snap at and I'm not sure whether that helps the feeling or not. I've got a bunch more work to do today around the house/garden to prepare a good blank slate which I can keep through until the folk fest so I don't have to run around worrying about it the night before. It looks like rain but will probably clear up. I want to pound helplessly on someone's chest as hard as I can and cry while they hold me. I've never done that, nor wanted to.

No one's ever awake in the mornings. I don't know if it's just my choices in people, if it's a general male thing, or if it's a general human thing but I seem to spend a significant majority of most days alone just because everyone else is sleeping, no matter where I am. It's a lonely time, there are few people to talk to.

TOW can wake up early sometimes, and she also needs little sleep: this means she doesn't miss out on anything at night because she needs to go to sleep because she can't sleep in long enough. I envy that deeply. Mostly I try to imitate it, but I just end up not getting enough sleep.

I miss the way the Juggler reaches out for me in his sleep. I miss his hands. I feel envious of his stuff with TOW, especially last night. I can't equal that for him.

Ach, it's a livejournal spiral. The more I think the worse I'll feel in this mood, so I'll leave it be for now and come back when it doesn't act like some sort of angsty quagmire. Last night was productive. This is not.

On another note: my avacado pit's sprouted and grown about six inches, all since the beginning of last weekend, and the other looks to follow. I harvested a bunch of mint and should make tea before it's too late. I have watering to do. My bamboo is beautiful, especially the way the stalks feather out on top. I am considering creating another character on the game but intend on putting it off as long as possible.

I want someone to love, right now, who will accept the love as it is without conditions, just for a little while.

Be well.

People Who Suck, Pt 1: Telephone Messages ;)

A chief subset of People Who Suck is composed of People Who Don't Leave Telephone Messages. Reasoning as follows.

My telephone kind of sucks. It rings twice and then throws people into the message system. That's not a whole lot of time for me to get it, which is just fine: if I'm not going to pick it up I don't want it ringing for hours on end.

My doing-stuff predictability kind of sucks. I do a number of things (gardening, dishes, laundry, sleep, etc) where I can't get instantly to the phone, nor would I be able to even if it rang more than twice. I also use the telephone sometimes to *gasp* talk to other people.

So the long and short of it is that sometimes I can't pick the phone up at somebody else's convenience, especially when they haven't called to check if it's a good time to call first. ;)

What have I done to deal with this situation? I have paid for an answering service/voice mail thing which will pick the phone up when I'm on the telephone or when I don't pick it up myself. I'm using money for this, paying for a message service.

Now, I pay for the message service so that if someone calls they can leave a message. This is convenient for both of us: first, if they need to convey important information they don't have to actually get hold of me; I check messages, the information gets passed.

More importantly, though, if they leave a message, I can check the message and call them back in a minute or two, when it is convenient and my hands are out of the dishwater or I've finished running up the stairs from laundry. There's a disconnect of a moment or two between the time it's convenient for them to call and the time it takes me to be ready to recieve the call, and the message system bridges that disconnect.

Granted, I will not always be home to call back in a minute or two, and I will not always want to, but the vast majority of my phone conversations will probably end up being because I've called someone back after missing the phone for whatever reason.

If someone does not leave a message, given that they know the above information, what must I assume about them?

1) That it's inconvenient for them to talk to me three minutes later than they want to. They need it now, baybe, and while in some cases that's legitimate the rest of the time it sounds like way too much control-freakishness and ego to me.

2) That they didn't actually want to talk to me. So, why call? I'm confused.

3) That they called a minute ago and left a message and didn't hear back, and don't want to spam my voicemail. Okay, I'll give you this one, although I still like messages.

4) That they're a telemarketer. Okay, fine, I don't mind you not leaving a message.

5) That they believe that I'm psychic and so don't need a message, because I know who it is (or want to pay more money for that *69 thing because I just accidentally misallocated my budget to voicemail instead of *69). Huh. Sounds like prime relationship material.

6) They don't know what to say. Panic-stricken at this new, unanticipated situation where they're faced with a machine, people forget their name and/or telephone number and so can't leave a message. Sure, if you were calling the Pope I'd understand this. Calling me, however, isn't a huge situation here.

7) Irrational stuff. For instance, people sometimes say, I didn't want to inconvenience you. Logically, if I didn't want messages, I wouldn't pay money for the system, right?

8) I don't think there are any raging technophobes out there who have moral issues talking to a machine, even one just used to transfer sound? But somehow the telephone's okay? I've never heard of this cult, I bet it exists in some form or another, come to think of it.

Having said this: I actually do still love you all. I love you more if you leave messages. Thus spake Larchstorm.;) The end.