Announcement, and Rest.

So I'm now single. Not kinda single, not I-only-have-a-secondary-relationship single, but 'there are two people in my life I might sleep with sometimes if the stars align' sort of single, what you might label 'FRIENDS (with benefits)' if that. In truth, my emotional connections will now be stronger with my friends and my mom than anyone I sleep with, as there's not enough available time and commitment to sustain those relationships even at the level of a committed friendship.

This is sad, and it's regrettable, but the beautiful things that have happened have certainly happened and won't be erased because of this. I have time to be myself now, to make beautiful things again (I built a Keep on Chia today, and I want to go back to inks and watercolours) and to cook and eat and hang out with my friends.

It's funny to think that until about fourteen months ago, I'd never broken up with (or been broken up with by, sometimes the lines are fuzzy) anyone I'd ever had technical sex with. The last year has brought a lot of changes to my life, and I'm already taking those things in stride. I think that's a good sign.

I worry about him, and I'm a little bitter, and these things may pass or they won't. Still, I'm whole, and I'll remain that way.

And, now and again, I will regret the end of something beautiful.

Reember:

If you would, Greenstorm, that he and I were inside together, and that is inviolate.

Morningtime.

So last night was hard. I stayed up late, and then I went to bed, and I could barely breathe. Everything was pain and anger, I could feel it like lightning over my skin. I wanted to bang my fists on the wall and howl. They've all left me, they've offered no support in doing so, and they dare to ask things of me even then? This really is nothing short of a betrayal of the integrity of my relationship with him for another woman. Ironic, no?

But, morning has come. I got through the night. I'll go to work, I'll go do things, I'll get through this. I hope it will not be as bad as last night ever again. He and I had sat there talking in that very bedm and he had left! You could almost feel the negative imprint of him, an absence...

But enough of that. I can't help thinking that we've both lost something, he and I. I didn't have a choice. Obviously it's worth it for him to lose.

:(