Grunt!

I've been playing tons of male chars lately. S'fun. I'm feeling very gendered, prolly more than I ever have.

Thursday is looking like a Day of Fun, which is very very good. Meet Juggler for lunch and night, meet dao_of_quinton for the afternoon to make brownies, work really fast the rest of the time to leave max time for gallivanting around with people.

Hey, Angus? I dreamed about you last night. Y'know, it's weird to have a dream, wake up, do about your life for awhile, and only realise a bit into the day that your dreams did not in fact happen.

Today I have a relatively heavy workload, then we're gonna try to finish getting the plastic up on the greenhouse (yay).

I want to try and get more playland-pass use in, which is gonna mean I need to be creative. Kynnin's b-day party (oh, my god, he's turning 25, I've known him for ten years now?) on Sat is a gaming party, I wanna drop by but I likely won't stay long. Maybe I can get it in before that: Tillie, wanna hang out on spinny things?

Notes.

The race is on, I'm on your side, but hearing you my engines died. I'm in the mood for you, or for running away. All the stars come down in you...

Love is scary stuff, sometimes, like right now.

I'm still tired, my mind kind of staticky so it's hard to think. I'll keep trying random stuff to see if I can fix it. Next on my list is cutting way back on sugar, which I've been eating a ton of lately (relatively). I'm working a lot, and feeling randomly paranoid, but not so badly that I can't deal with it. Today I'm gonna hang out with brother + his girlfriend for a bit, then maybe Kynnin later. There was one day this year when I was sure I was falling out of love with Kynnin, and it hurt like crazy, but no... it was just that one day. Like with everyone, communication with him reminds me.

Juggler's growing, in a sort of metaphysical/mental/emotional sense. It makes him really cute. He's generally been a really standard 'manly man'-type, but he's venturing into new ground lately. We actually spent ten minutes on the phone dancing around a subject, which is something we almost never do. It's not bad, cause I feel comfortable cutting through it whenever I want, and I like to watch him struggle and squirm as much as he's capable of (which isn't much, don't worry).

I got some peppers in the ground last night, and the last of my tomatoes.

I realised awhile ago, and told Juggler the other day, that making money makes me nervous. Making enough money to cover food and rent, sure, you're s'posed to do that. When I make more than that, though, it freaks me out. I feel bad to 'hoard' money, but at the same time I feel terrible spending it on myself (this greenhouse isn't cheap, I'm paying for it just for myself to enjoy). I guess in my mind money is love (sorry, Kynnin) and deciding how to apportion it's a problem given that.

Oh, well. I'll get over it.

I haven't been highly interactive with people lately, which is making me all loving-cuddly-yearning. The type of interaction doesn't matter so much, and I'm not lonely, I just have a positive pull (as opposed to the negative push of loneliness). As Johnny Cash said: Mother nature's quite a lady, but flesh and blood needs flesh and blood. Or something. When the greenhouse is all the way done, I really won't need y'all anymore.

I will keep you around, though. :>

Dancing.

I really want to be dancing.

I really like Johnny Cash.

Ooooohhh

Body of a Woman- Pablo Neruda

Body of a woman,white hills, white thighs,
you look like a world, lying in surrender.
My rough peasant's body digs into you
and makes the son leap from the depth of the earth.
I was alone like a tunnel. The birds fled from me,
and night swamped me with its crushing invasion.
To survive myself I forged you like a weapon,
like an arrow in my bow, a stone in my sling.
But the hour of vengeance falls, and I love you.
Body of skin, of moss, of eager and firm milk.
Oh the goblets of the breast! Oh the eyes of absence!
Oh the roses of the pubis! Of your voice, slow
and sad!
Body of my woman, i will persist in your grace.
My thirst, my boundless desire, my shifting road!
Dark river-beds where the eternal thirst flows
and weariness follows, and the infinite ache.

Aiee!

So I used to be the dramatic, passionate, well-spoken one, an infusion of exotic juice into people's lives. That caused too much drama, so I stopped.

Now am I reinventing myself as the maintenanceless one? Is my attraction supposed to be that I don't throw tantrums, require upkeep, don't throw the fits that women are prone to, am always reasonable? Is this an image I'm suddenly trying to project to keep people adhered to me because I think it's a commodity low in supply right now?