Home Again, Home Again.

Man, you know you've been ljing too long when all your titles are repeats.

I'm home! I was at Juggler's last night, and the lovely Devon's the night before. I worked today, was on the Drive yesterday, and the sum total of time well spent was still too much time for me to be away from my babies. I missed them! Lots.

Starting from the beginning, Saturday was mostly a lot of sitting around in grey weather. That was fine, cause... well, it was grey weather. I got some roleplay in, and headed over to the Juggler's house for the afternoon, and with him to Kynnin's party for an hour or two in the evening.

The party was cool, in the everyone's-gaming-but-friends-are-here-so-I-can-sit-and-chat sort of way that hasn't happened for awhile. I got to see Ellen (!!!) and Adrian (it's been a long time) and Tillie and _locke with his head shaved (!!). Didn't see much of Kynnin, since he was busy gaming, but I figure I'll catch up with him another time. My brother was there. He's growing up fast.

I dressed up for the party, which was fun again. It had been a busy sweatpants-only week, and I got to wear my sparkly suit (I see you, Estry!) that I got when sari shopping. It's really very lovely, all sparkles and grey, with a pair of very interesting side-slits (because of course the tunic part is supposed to be worn over those pants).

Juggler and I headed home before too long. We had a really wonderful time. We didn't get much sleep, but we did manage to nip some of this budding re-angst-talking in our relationship in the bud, I think. Got some info sorted out about safe sex stuff and me dating, which... is frustrating for me, because it takes so long to get that kind of info out of him. But! I'm not gonna worry about it too much, at least not for two months, at which point it'll be stressful again but we've had a break, and he's going to get back to me soon with what the situation right now actually *is*, which will be much appreciated. Lesigh.

I'm definitely ceding a lot of power and control on this issue ('what do you want me to do?' vs 'this is what I'm doing, how are you going to deal with that?') and it's perhaps the wrong way to go about it. Gotta think about that.

So Sunday Devon and I met up at the Commercial Drive festival thingy. It was *packed*. The Drive from about First to Venables was closed to traffic, and there were bands and... I dunno what they call them, DJs? MCs? Rave-y sort of music people. There were tons of stalls selling things and being political, there was a hula hoop contest at one point, there were tank rides (in a pedal-powered tank) and just generally fun stuff and noise. It was a lot of fun. We ended up spending a while in Womyn's Wear bemoaning our lack of funds, though that didn't stop her from getting a lovely rosebud dildo in pink. We both were dressed up, me in my pink princess dress (thanks again, Estry!) and her in a green polka-dot fifties dress.

When it ended, we bought a watermlon and headed back to her beautiful apartment (okay, hardwood floors and windows, I'm biased) and had a picnic in her livingroom and hung around and chatted all girlie-like until it got dark, at which point we got stuff for supper and collapsed into bed. It was too much fun to head home, really. I got to introduce Devon to the concept of poly-molecule-drawing, and she got to introduce me to her cats and new corset.

Then this morning we sorta-kinda-got-up (bah! for weekdays and work) and wandered off our seperate ways, me to work (still lugging my big coat, which I'd packed Saturday, despite the fact that it was REALLY NICE out) and her to school. I half-slept through work, and now I'm home! Yay!

Now I'm really looking forward to the next commercial drive festival, and I also want to wander through La Vie En Rose at some point, and I also want to buy the snakeskin harness from Women's Wear and the snake dildo for it, though I've no one to use the snake on. I've had my eye on that thing for a year or more now, though. *sigh*

Oh, woe is me, what terrible trials I face. :)

Oh, yeah.

I've been really crappy at answering emails and comments on my lj lately, cause my email (and thus comment notification) hasn't been up. It's not sorta-useable, so if I missed something interesting, er, sorry...

Sex.

So sex is definitely in 'hobby-space' for me, along with my couple of other major hobbies: roleplaying, rats, reading/language, and of course gardening.

(You know, in my cellphone address book, about 60-65% of the people listed have names that begin with A, B, C, or D. Now my hobbies are the 'three Rs')

What's this mean? It doesn't mean I do sex all the time, or with just anyone, just like I'm pretty selective about roleplay partners and locales. It doesn't mean I think of sex as a trivial thing, as everything on the list above has pretty deep spiritual/identity ties with me on some level or another.

It does mean I like to learn about the subject, both in intellectual and experiential ways. It means I spend a significant amount of time preparing for, analysing, and engaging in sex of various kinds. It means that while sex might be something I do when I'm bored, to pass the time, that every sexual experience for me is part of a coherent piece of sex-thought in my head.

One of the weird things about sex vs most of my other hobbies is that sex is better with other people, and my own personal definition either involves other people or classifies it under 'research pertaining to-'. As distinct from roleplaying, though, sex has a bunch of societal weirdness attached to it where it's not just a thing people do-- and it's a thing people only talk about in a very specific context.

Another thing about sex is that there are a number of issues-- emotional, experiential, and physical safety issues --that REALLY make selection of partners picky. Roleplay partners have a much larger number of 'bad facets' to them without making roleplay bad, uncomfortable, or dangerous.

I'm an obsessive sort of person, in general. When I like something, I wanna do a lot of it, right now. With reading, my rat-babies, or gardening, I can pretty much always do *something* associated with the thing when I want to, even if it's just researching books to read, looking longingly at tomato pictures, or petting a sleeping baby. With roleplay, even though I need other people, there's pretty much always someone on Chia and if not I can make characters, work on storyline refinements, find some roleplay forums and discuss playability vs realism in female medieval roles, etc.

With sex, when something like ejaculation or BDSM or lactation or strap-ons becomes interesting to me, I can talk about it in a pretty abstract form on lj, and I have one or two (busy!) RL friends that I can discuss stuff like that with. At the moment I have one partner who I can play with stuff like that with. I don't, though, tend to have the option to either play repeatedly with a concept for a week or two straight (partner's availability is limited) or discuss it ad nauseum in my ever-listening lj because everyone knows who my partner is, and it violates that person's privacy.

This means I can't work off my obsession, and so I sort of get more interested and then frustrated by the entire topic. You know how some weeks I post 'my rats are so cute' sixty times? That's what I wanna do.

Anyhow, just thinkin'.

Twenty-Five Years and my life is still...

...trying to get up that great big hill of hope,
For a destination.

And I realised quickly,
When I knew I should,
That the world was meant for this
Brotherhood of Man,
For whatever that means.

And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed,
Just to get it all out,
What's in my head,
And I'm feeling
A little peculiar.

And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high and I
Scream at the top of my breath,
"What's going on?"