Too Long

Been hunting me down a counsellor. I have a couple of recommendations. This has been going on a little too long.

Using the impetus from the first blood day to actually book things.

The problem?

"I'm feeling pretty ambivalent about some (maybe all) of the major things in my life and I'm trying to decide how to make good decisions about them. Right now I just waffle in my head and go with the path of least resistance in everything I do; I know that as a human I do best rising to challenges, but I'm afraid to challenge the wrong things and yet can't let things lie. I need to figure out how to do good reality checks, how to decide what's okay to leave included in my life and what to get rid of and what to go stretch to add.

But I don't know where to start.

I'm innately and irrevocably poly, something that's taken me my entire romantic life and a lot of heartbreak to finally accept, and I'm finding it hard to shoulder that in a number of ways. I have a couple of other identities, particularly nudist and sex-positive and geek and feminist, that sometimes leave me feeling like only me against the world, or like a grotesque oddity. I'm torn between making money and doing something I love and knowing I can't change the world anyhow."

Assertions (10 min freewrite for decluttering)

Unique access to my cunt does not make you a special snowflake. You do that yourself
I am larger when shared
I disappear into screaming resentment when hoarded
You don't share me or have me. Only I do that
There will always be moments I like other people more than you
There will be lots of time I don't think about you during most days
I will always love plants more; they're more patient than you
Being with me will not fulfill your escapist fantasies
Just because it's different doesn't make it better than what you're used to
Nudity is not sexy
A good conversation is second only to a good orgasm denial story for turning me on
I cannot be reductionist about bodies
I am a very tiny raindrop in a very big ocean. So are you. Get some perspective
I don't have to like you. I don't have to talk to you
Love exists as much as any other idea, like money or weather or indoorsness
I do good things as much for my own conscience as for the joy of doing them. Not out of the belief it will "fix" things
I'm as much a hypocrite as anyone, and that's ok
I dislike unexamined hypocrisy
Sex is a process between people, not a thing. When I am sex to you, I am nothing
Get over yourself
Then present yourself unashamed but humble; we are our own biggest lifeworks
Everyone has limited XP, and they put it in their own places