Another weekend, another meeting

So, a budget turns out to be a way of communicating about what-ifs and whens.

I think that was a really good talk. The budget with numbers in it was the structure I needed to be able to communicate, "what happens when this is this number? What can we do to change this other number?" and they were able to meet me there. We also got to an emotionally honest place for I think all of us, at least E and I, which is where we need to begin I think.

I had done a very rough budget using their expense numbers, put it through a year, and then added some scenarios. We were then able to talk through some scenarios and see where different ones got us.

They went away to input a couple different sets of numbers overnight (what happens if we don't build in buffers, what are some reasonable income assumptions, things like that). Then we'll talk again today.

I definitely have this cycle of feeling reassured when we talk, then finding something else that needs work within a couple days. I guess it's the difference between short-term goals (get our expenses on paper, discuss X) and the longer-term goal (have a general plan for finances for the next two years, decide on dates and fencing locations)

Incidentally, E came up with a really great fencing plan based somewhat on my sketches that I sent over and my input. It bounced back and forth a little and now is probably settled, and then she clearly asked me to give her an ordered list of priorities around perimiter fencing, clearing, internal fencing, etc. I am very reassured and feeling comfortable on that front. <3

We don't fight, we do get where we're going, we seem to be willing to open up about stuff, it's just going to take time to develop a communal shorthand I think.

Also I feel like the community needs a name. Apocalypse Insurance is the farm, Cor Viriditas (sigh, I was hoping it would be Cor Viridis, figures) is the land (I think for E it's Refuge), but the group of us is as yet unnamed. A has us on a fb chat as "The Sayward three" which I believe needs more vision.

Tomato Expectations

So.

I grew some micro-mini tomatoes this year. I planted Moment and Fat Frog. I took a cutting from each and put it in the aerogarden. Tomatoes from moment (aerogarden), moment (pot on the lighted windowsill) and fat frog (pot on the lighted windowsill) ripened all at once, so of course I did a taste test (fat frog in the aerogarden is well behind, I think it didn't pollinate its first cluster).

I scraped out the seeds, put them to ferment, and then did a taste test. Now, every time you buy micro tomatoes they say "don't overwater them, they won't taste good" so I was expecting the hydroponic ones to taste watery and the potted ones to taste good.

In fact, the opposite was true. The aerogarden ones were sweet (very little acid though) and the windowsill moments were bland. The fat frog had one good one, two ok ones, and one really bland one.

So that's maybe good news for growing tomatoes inside in hydroponics, but also just really interesting. I wonder if shifting the kinds of nutrients I used in the hydroponics owuld make a difference? I definitely grew the windowsill ones a little dry.

On the other hand, the windowsill ones were also cooler, and got longer but less-intense light.

Anyhow, the seeds are fermenting and that was neat.

I also have a Sweet Baby Jade that I pollinated with Hardin's Mini, generic aerogarden "heirloom" micro, fat frog, and moment pollen. It has two tomatoes growing from the crosses, I'm very excited. Plus, I have a generic aerogarden "heirloom" micro I pollinated with sweet baby jade that has a fruit growing on it. Eeeeeeee!

Still waiting on my matchbox x black hungarian F1 to germinate, and my black hungarian x matchbox fruit to ripen.

The Balance

A place where I really need to get down in the mud and wrestle, every time, is: if something upsets me, is it because something is a little off with me (trauma/interpreting through past experiences/trouble with transitions/etc/AFOG) or is it my emotions helping me see a real situation I need to remove myself from (bad for me and my core self). Of course, putting it into a binary like that really is the problem. I wrestle with each new situation, each new person, in this very ambiguous muddy slurry of neither land nor water. Sometimes I even come to a decision.