But with a whimper

The saga that began with me potentially moving to the northish part of the Island, middled with poor financial communication and planning, and ended with me not buying in/joining in the move but with my friends buying and moving into a property, now finally ends with that property being up for sale. I haven't been in contact with them much since the move - just had one conversation, really, where they mentioned they were really stressed and probably not able to keep the house. They haven't reached out since and I haven't either (I think I expect to be a target when something goes wrong, regardless of whether that's these people's way of operating or not, so I tend to want to hide till it blows over. Early conditioning).

I'm sad. It had become clear that it wasn't going to be a good financial match -- I needed a lot more planning and certainty -- but I had hoped they'd somehow find a way to keep the place and be happy there. Granted, it was a huge space and hopefully they can end up somewhere more comfortable. Like I said I haven't talked to them.

Heart of fire

I keep looking at kilns online. They are occasionally much cheaper used, and occasionally available. There's one in Vancouver right now for $750. Deeply beyond my price range at the moment, but hopefully when I become able to, something will be available. Obviously the weird ceramics studio management here has led me to want control over this hobby.

Well

I kinda came out as "sick of some kind, with less capacity than my younger self expected at this time in my life" at work to my two cubicle neighbours (one has celiacs, one is my most common work partner) and the site manager today, in a discussion about why I don't have my credential yet.

My work partner was surprised, but I explained that I prioritize work and he seemed to understand. Folks were generally positive. Site manager had to chew on it a bit but circled around to encourage me later.

I feel like I'm going to throw up and like I want to hide. I wasn't asking for any accommodation or anything, just mentioned it and fielded a few questions.

Because in many interpersonal situations I don't view vulnerability as a big deal - if it's someone with no power over me and who I don't need to interact with, it lets people self-select away from me - I forget how hard it can be in a power dynamic relationship, in this case one that lets me keep my animals (and myself) fed and housed.