From the body

The juxtaposition of pottery, data entry for work that requires mousing in a web entry form for each of thousands of entries, and carrying water in buckets to the animals has wreaked serious havoc on my right elbow. It hurts, but it hurts especially when I'm typing or right after carrying water. In some ways it's nice to have a familiar hurt when my body is doing strange things, but I do worry about losing use more than I have. So far it's just concentration when typing that suffers, functionally.

I haven't sold the pigs. I'd asked some folks to help me write up the ad and none of them did, so I relied on that instead of trying to sidestep PDA and grief and do it myself. That means I'm out of money -- worried about paying basic bills for the first time in maybe decades -- and hauling heavy water. The more important this is to do, the harder it is to bypass my PDA and do it. If I took a week off work I could probably manage but I do not have that week. I haven't been able to bear the thought of just shooting them all.

That said, this Friday and Saturday I am selling pottery for the first time at a little local sale, at the historic site at the original Fort. I have zero idea how it will go and no real expectations of selling a ton of stuff, but it would be nice.

I have thoughts about pottery, a lot of them, but pretty much only when I'm physically engaging with it. I don't have a visual memory. I have no idea what things look like if my eyes aren't on them. I could describe them pretty well if they were in front of me, but when I'm writing that doesn't really happen. I can collect only fragments here:

I use many different clay bodies -- clays -- and they all feel different and finish different. I love them, I love the contrast between the many surfaces that can be created from even just one clay and the quite different surface of glazes. I do not want to cover up the whole of anything with glaze, really.

I'm starting to have skills to create the shapes I want, instead of having them happen and then needing to stop before the piece collapses. Shape and line is fascinating, and when I sit down and do a set of pieces on the wheel each shape relates to the one before it in that set. For instance, I'll do a cylinder, then a classic vase curve, then invert it to a curved hourglass, like that. Those pieces, usually three to five, speak to each other and feel like a set in my mind even if they're different sizes and, obviously, different shapes.

Glazing is awkward and hasn't settled into a rhythm. I don't have a lot of space to store glazed pieces at the studio and every time I get in the glaze room other people come in and ask questions and want to do their own glazing. It's super understandable because glazing is weird and intimidating and we haven't had much instruction on it, and I am kind of positioned as the person who knows what I'm doing. I love answering these questions and helping.

But, I don't have a visual memory, and one doesn't have glaze buckets all open at once, and pieces need to dry between layers of glaze. So I would love to make series of several pieces where the glaze also relates to the other glazes and to the shape, but that requires an intense concentration and uninterruptedness I don't have. Right now everything is haphazard, "I know I like this combo" rather than "what best fits this series of shapes and how do I best show off the raw pottery as a highlight to glazes" let alone "how do I catch my poetry into these forms".

I suspect as people learn they will be able to work on their own and also answer other folks questions and I'll be able to find time to glaze when other people don't flock in.

There's a long time between shape creation and use of a vessel. Because of that long time and the burst nature of finished products -- the glaze kiln runs maybe once a month so I get several objects back at once -- it takes a long time to get feedback on the actual purpose of the item. I'm still creating in that time, with no feedback. I'm still iterating on a couple things I made in the summer without that actual use to direct me. It's an interesting feeling.

It's astonishing the number of things that can be made with clay that are actually useful. Not just cups and plates and knicknack holders but jars and dog dishes and shower caddies and shelves and rings and beads and buttons and so on. And wall sculpture. And signage.

I've made enough beautiful things that it's going to feel sad to part with them, but the ones I use are the flawed ones. Not sure if that's an aesthetic preference or if it's because I feel safe attaching to them or just because my first pieces tended to be flawed and I got into the habit of using them. It will be unusual and extraordinary, though, if people choose objects they like to use and then use them? That's a kind of sharing that doesn't happen with most things I make.

There is a weird and unnecessary chasm between pottery as a craft and pottery as an art in the community that's mostly erased in practice because of course it is, humans don't actually work that way, but exists in the discourse.

As in natural systems (how is our brain interpreting the world not a natural system?) edges are useful and intriguing.

I have always liked playing with the unexpected and will continue to do so.

My kitten, henceforward Bear, not only likes joining me on the wheel but also lounges among the drying pieces. We were joking that he's quality control, but actually two days ago he was lounging among the drying pieces, sniffed them all, and reached out to tip over and break... the ugliest one. He has never broken any others. So, fair enough.

Extra-species parasociality

The kitten I ended up with is firmly integrated into the home and is growing up. He is Very Smart-- he learns super quickly from experience, and more than any other animal I've known he is able to attach actions and consequences in a less-general way. For instance, he understands that mugs might be hot so he approaches all my mugs cautiously after one unfortunate paw incident, but is unconcerned about water bottles. He knows not to attack bare feet but needs to learn not to attack each different pattern of socked feet, and when I'm putting on pants the dangling leg of the pants is fair game until my foot comes out the bottom. He knows when jumping on me not to use his claws, and is learning that per different pair of pants too. That said, the skin on my hands and arms hasn't been fully intact for awhile even while he has learned to mostly keep his claws in when playing. However he's a bit of a bully and isn't great at reading the room around the other cats. He's especially obsessed with Hazard, and will jump onto hazard's back with his arms around the older cat's neck and just hang on like a little black cape. Also, he has never been completely successfully photographed.

His primary mode is flitting from cover to cover like Things in the backdrop of a horror movie, or alternatively curling up with his paws around my neck and his head under my chin, sleeping and purring. Kittens, right?

Solly was disappearing for a day or a day and a half at a time and returning for food for the last little while. This concerned me for obvious reasons and I built more fencing, blocked holes in the fence-- and then the neighbour who has his own two LGDs tracked me down and let me know he saw her get hit by a car on Friday and had been trying to track me down and tell me. Now, when he told me she was in the fence and doing fine. I've been in the habit of doing a quick body-check when I haven't seen her in a day, just running my hands over all her limbs and spine and belly to check for injuries because who knows what could happen to her out there, and she'd always and continues to be fine.

The weather has been really mild and I'd made her a dog house in case that's why she was disappearing, but she didn't use it. After learning she'd been hit I let her come in the house and she stuck in there all day when allowed. She's still acting very afraid of Avallu even though Avallu politely ignores her now, though who knows what they get up to when I'm not around. Ideally she'd feel comfortable using the downstairs dog door but that's where Avallu sleeps, so it seems unlikely. At this point I'm letting her in through the front door to the upstairs, and it looks like she wants to be a velcro/house dog. If she could just let herself in and out I'd be fine with that, though I'll need to work on resource guarding around the cats. Like Avallu used to, she guards snuggles with me. I've also made her a second dog house that she seems to like better - at least, she slept in it last night. I'm not leaving her in at night until the upstairs is better set up, too.

She's been playing with the next door dogs when she escapes and I suspect she'd like a similar-aged companion. Four dogs at once is A Lot, but it does make sense to keep in age-similar pairs. Nothing is happening on that front while I still have pigs and a scary financial situation though.

Avallu seems to be doing well. He's staying outside more and is more active so it looks like the antibiotics worked to clear up his UTI. His x-rays showed a bit of arthritis in his back and he tends to want me to let him in and out instead of using the dog door, so I'm wondering if he does have a bit of pain and I need to talk to the vet about that. HE's not young anymore.

Thea is a little food-guardy around Solly, and I suspect would like more solid routine around food. They all get fancy fresh meat when the grocery store has extra in my expiry-day pickups and that semi-rhythm seems to upset her. We're getting into the time of year when they all need lots of extra calories, so I can start supplementing with fatty pork belly and that will likely help. I also want to renovate the A frame she chose for a doghouse so she has more visual range and more protection in it.

The other cats all still are very snuggly and also miffed at Bear. I don't blame them, since his primary cat interaction mode is attacking, and he initiates most interactions by attacking from stealth. Whiskey and Bear have been sleeping on my bed until I build a door to my bedroom, and Whiskey is very happy with that but even more happy when I work from home and sit in just exactly this one spot at this one time with my computer. Hazard wants me to carry him around whenever the kitten is nearby so he can't be attacked. Demon has taken it on himself to play with the kitten a lot of the time, which means he's often socialled out, but he very much appreciates quiet petting if he's protected from the kitten.

It's still extremely warm out, at least for this time of year, just hovering around freezing this week. We've had maybe 4" of snow total and it's mostly either melted or subsided into ice sheets. There's no insulation on the ground if the temperature drops quickly so I expect there'll be burst pipes in town all over this year-- unless we don't actually get those low temperatures. The ground has just finally got cold enough to begin freezing duck and goose feathers to the ice sheet overnight so they get left in the ice when the birds get up in the morning. I'm unsure if they'll go indoors or not.

When Avallu was feeling so bad I took down the original dog bed (crib mattress) I got for Thea that has gone unused. He slept on it and seemed to feel less painful on it, but now that the fire is on downstairs the cats have taken it over. He's far too polite to ask even a single cat to move off it, so he whimpers and settles down on the concrete. Combine that with pottery stuff and I'm making a pottery bench to replace my downstairs table, with the goal of enough room underneath for a second dog bed. I'm also making up cat beds that might be more appealing to them, potentially to put on the wall to give myself more floor space. I've also put up one shelf for pottery and need to put up a bunch more. There's no reason not to display this stuff. So, doing a bunch of rearranging down there ideally to increase both functionality for me and liveability for the animals.

I also finally started cutting out my winter sewing, which has been a challenge with one kitten, one Very Large dog, and three cats in the room. I basically made it work by putting up a gate to keep Solly in the kitchen, feeding the cats, and dumping Bear outside on the deck that doesn't have any way to the ground. By the time he had figured out how to climb down and gone around in through the dog door I'd cut out two and a half pairs of pants.

I take so much comfort in these loved ones, even when literally the entire floor and hall is covered in bodies and it's challenging to move around.

Had some great social days at the pottery studio, answering questions at the open house, and I met someone at the community studio who's equally obsessed with wheel throwing who I can actually talk to about it, so that's nice, but it doesn't feel the same kind of safe and interesting and loving that my pack does.