My Way or the Highway
Jun. 2nd, 2003 01:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI'm beginning to learn some things, or perhaps beginning to formulate some things into words that I've learnt gradually over the last little while.
One of these things is that life isn't a matter of getting exactly what you want or going without. Life is a matter of finding things you want and deciding which compromises you need to undergo to get them -- whether that's compromising in other parts of your life, or compromising your wants, or compromising the parts of the thing you get isn't the issue.
The issue is simply that you shouldn't discard something outright just because some parts aren't exactly as you want them.
It seems kind of obvious, written down, and I've always been a proponent of not allowing a lack of compromise in myself, with my own weird issues, to get in the way of things I want. I hadn't connected it to being able to accept parts of something until now. And I realise, too, that not doing something out of the fear that you'll do it, like it, and then have the loss of losing it is kind of silly most of the time. Better to do and have at least that, and mourn and then let the loss go if it comes along?
My current lack of understanding centers more around which things actually are okay to discard or pass up, what too difficult really means, and where my boundaries are.
Now, a search for yellow-flowered ground cover.
One of these things is that life isn't a matter of getting exactly what you want or going without. Life is a matter of finding things you want and deciding which compromises you need to undergo to get them -- whether that's compromising in other parts of your life, or compromising your wants, or compromising the parts of the thing you get isn't the issue.
The issue is simply that you shouldn't discard something outright just because some parts aren't exactly as you want them.
It seems kind of obvious, written down, and I've always been a proponent of not allowing a lack of compromise in myself, with my own weird issues, to get in the way of things I want. I hadn't connected it to being able to accept parts of something until now. And I realise, too, that not doing something out of the fear that you'll do it, like it, and then have the loss of losing it is kind of silly most of the time. Better to do and have at least that, and mourn and then let the loss go if it comes along?
My current lack of understanding centers more around which things actually are okay to discard or pass up, what too difficult really means, and where my boundaries are.
Now, a search for yellow-flowered ground cover.
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 02:12 pm (UTC)Can I explain this? No. Do I have any evidence of this? Not a shred. And yet it seems utterly obvious.
If nothing else, look at it this way:
Right now, much of your life is in flux. Right now, some of the things you love most are in danger of being lost, or your relationship with them changed irrevocably. Right now, your corporation is foundering; the orphanage you supposedly support is on the verge of bankruptcy; the nuclear missile silo you oh-so-philanthropically agreed to take over is malfunctioning so badly that it is ready to simply explode, taking much of Vancouver with it.
Right now, you're looking for yellow-flowered ground cover.
Have you ever looked for it before? I'm guessing not. Can't you see how it's eating at your soul, tearing at everything you hold dear, expanding like a moistened shrubbery until it pushes out all that makes your life relevant. And in the end, all you'll be left with is a patch of yellow flowers in a dusty garden.
You could search for anything else: red-flowered ground cover, blue-flowered ground cover, even hedge roses, and maybe - maybe - your life and our world wouldn't be teetering on the brink of utter madness. But it is, and all because of your damnable obsession with yellow flowers.
Fine. Plant your accursed ground cover; let the world rot. When at the age of eighty you find yourself the last lonely survivor of a blasted world, without even a rabbit to keep you company, you can bask in the solace of your yellow-flowered ground cover.
Harumph.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 04:25 pm (UTC)Ah, yes, here it is:
Satan's Spreading Sunshine (Satanicus groundis)
Colour: Yellow
Soil: Dry, plenty of brimstone
Feed:
no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 04:51 pm (UTC)My point is proven.
The Search Is Over!
Date: 2003-06-03 06:15 pm (UTC)And... my life does seem to have settled into a fucked-into-quivering-jelly sort of serenity.
So you do seem to be right.
Next up: A search for a Charles Darwin rose.
Oh, yeah. Do you have rabbits?
Re: The Search Is Over!
Date: 2003-06-03 07:30 pm (UTC)They should make a Tycho Brahe rose, called that either because it looks like the surface of the moon, or because it has a metal nose.
Did you know Tycho Brahe had a metal nose? He did. That had to suck. 'Cause it sure didn't blow.
Re: The Search Is Over!
Date: 2003-06-03 10:45 pm (UTC)To be completely honest, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a Tycho rose sitting around somewhere, terribly inappropriate in name but still -there-. There's a Sterling Silver and a Stainless Steel, there's a Merilyn Monroe and a JFK, there's a Charles Darwin and Gods only know how many millions of others...
Re: The Search Is Over!
Date: 2003-06-04 07:12 am (UTC)