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greenstormPoly hasn't been a big part of my life lately. That is, it's faded into a background condition that I don't think about, like I don't think much about, oh, using my arm or brushing my teeth.
Little things may have been accumulating, though... we're definitely slipped into a more individualistic sort of poly just lately, where we spend time in pairs rather than as a group more often than not. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
This seems to be sort of a pattern lately -- little things happen, and a lot of little things happen to equal a rather big change, then I feel bad and have to call the whole thing and talk it out verbally. I'm good at adjusting to nonverbal things that are small, but when I consider something big to be happening -- and especially when it happens, I accept it nonverbally, and then it seems to reverse, I get very confused.
I wish I had better nonverbal coping mechanisms, so I didn't need to get everyone together to talk so often. There's not so much time for that anymore, and even less for that plus the relationships too.
I wish I didn't form expectations based on nonverbal stuff that happens, or to be more honest, I wish that if something's been happening for awhile and is going to change that someone would warn me verbally first. I'm not so good with unanticipated change. I know that if it's unanticipated then probably I'm not the only one being surprised by it.
I wish I wasn't so lonely so much of the time. It doesn't seem to matter, mono or poly, I end up feeling alone and, not unwanted, but ininvolved, half-included but not fully, some of the time. I'm not sure whether this is a normal state, whether it's just something to get used to, whether it's an accurate depiction of outside stuff, or whether it's something internal to me. I don't understand it very well, and people who are surrounded by other people don't seem to talk about being lonely so often. I don't know if that's social expectation, or if they just aren't lonely.
I miss you right now, you being all the people who respond to this sort of thing in an interactive way, who aren't just my own words coming back at me. You're appreciated.
Little things may have been accumulating, though... we're definitely slipped into a more individualistic sort of poly just lately, where we spend time in pairs rather than as a group more often than not. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
This seems to be sort of a pattern lately -- little things happen, and a lot of little things happen to equal a rather big change, then I feel bad and have to call the whole thing and talk it out verbally. I'm good at adjusting to nonverbal things that are small, but when I consider something big to be happening -- and especially when it happens, I accept it nonverbally, and then it seems to reverse, I get very confused.
I wish I had better nonverbal coping mechanisms, so I didn't need to get everyone together to talk so often. There's not so much time for that anymore, and even less for that plus the relationships too.
I wish I didn't form expectations based on nonverbal stuff that happens, or to be more honest, I wish that if something's been happening for awhile and is going to change that someone would warn me verbally first. I'm not so good with unanticipated change. I know that if it's unanticipated then probably I'm not the only one being surprised by it.
I wish I wasn't so lonely so much of the time. It doesn't seem to matter, mono or poly, I end up feeling alone and, not unwanted, but ininvolved, half-included but not fully, some of the time. I'm not sure whether this is a normal state, whether it's just something to get used to, whether it's an accurate depiction of outside stuff, or whether it's something internal to me. I don't understand it very well, and people who are surrounded by other people don't seem to talk about being lonely so often. I don't know if that's social expectation, or if they just aren't lonely.
I miss you right now, you being all the people who respond to this sort of thing in an interactive way, who aren't just my own words coming back at me. You're appreciated.
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 05:34 pm (UTC)And I have one of those too, or rather, I don't think he's interested, an dI'm not sure if I am. Heh.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 05:51 pm (UTC)One of these days, I might overcome my shyness and actually ask people out.. Until then, at least I can make new friends and go from there.. My other problem, I can't read body language.. And I can sometimes miss the obvious.. I can't tell if someone is even interested in me unless they tell me.. And, even if I do see the sign, I'll go all shy and not be sure how to inquire further. Life, isn't it fun...
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 08:51 pm (UTC)As to whether the person is interested or not.. Maybe hang out together and talk about things.. Maybe steer the conversation to areas where you can find out more about this person.. It's one way to find out if you are interested in him or not..