Tidying LJ

[greenstorm]

Added a bunch of interests, joined a couple of interesting-looking communities.

*sigh*

I'm having one of those nights -- polypagangirl knows about these nights. It's the night after watching a deeply romantic movie, while Unchained Melody, Sound of Silence, Stand By Me, One, and Friend of Mine all come up on the list spontaneously, one SO is at work and the two others are out on their wedding anniversary, my family is leaving the country for four months soon (though I do see them tonight), and I just want someone to *share* stuff with. Space, cuddling, life, thoughts, whatever, I just want to share it.

I probably harp on this constantly, but I don't understand how I can have three serious relationships and spend so many evenings, and to a lesser extent so many days, alone. I mean, I understand the people-who-work-9-to-5 thing. The rest of it? Bah.

Let's see if the SO going onto a more regular schedule, and the scheduling discussion yesterday, maybe helps change that. I realise that it won't, all the way, because of everyone's philosophy on alone time/together time with each other apart from me.

You know, I totally don't remember feeling different than this back in monogamy-land, but you'd think two people who live together... naah. I guess you wouldn't think it.

*mutter*

Comments

I hear ya

[polypagangirl.livejournal.com]

I know. Isn't it incredible? How can one person with so many relationships POSSIBLY feel lonely? (One would imagine someone on the outside would say).

I think i have the same problem with people not understanding my strong need for alone time either, but there are times when being alone is not what i want.

*smile* So hard to coordinate these things AND keep everyone happy, isn't it?

Re: I hear ya

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

*grin* But, if they don't keep me happy, is it my joy to keep them happy?

But on a serious note, yeah, coordination and just the solid limitations of time make things so hard.

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

I grok the 'poly and loneliness' thing: now at least half my nights are 'mine'. Sometimes that's good: I can do homework, clean the house, dick around on the computer, do creative stuff...

but crawling into my empty, suddenly too-big bed gets daunting: Once or twice I realised I was actively avoiding going to bed, because I didn't want to lie in the dark alone while waiting for sleep. (I have never been an 'out when your head hits the pillow' person.)

I often joke about finding The Perfect Girlfriend to move in with me; however, I know that right now's a time when I need to learn how do balance all of this, when I need to have 'my own life' amidst all this. Sometimes it's strange, because honestly I've forgotten how to be alone, or at least, without an SO all the time...but it's something to learn.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

I used to avoid going to bed, when the SO was on nights. Now he's on afternoons, so comes back at 1am, and I've learnt not to avoid it...

I think it would help to know, say, a week in advance how many nights I'd be spending alone. That should solidify when the SO's got his school schedule, because then the nights I can't spend with the Juggler I can spend with him. Or you. :>

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Exactly :) I think we need to organize an 'us' sub-set to the schedules. ;) Or we could just schedule each other first and fit in everyone else!