Hm.

[greenstorm]

Well, this is difficult, amd I'm doing okay with it. I'm still living with the guy, as I get together money enough to move out, and he's not really beholden to me anymore. Still, it's very difficult for me four hours after I expect him back, with his cellphone off, and no idea from this morning that he would be anywhere. It's just hard for me.

I guess in general not being able to get in touch with someone's hard for me -- I called the Juggler Tuesday, and didn't get my call returned that time either, though I did manage to get a hold of him today for a bit.

This is growing up, right? Knowing that in an emergency there might be absolutely no one you can contact?

It's funny, because my relationship with Mouse is in a lot of ways less trusting or less stable, but I do trust her to do things like return my calls. I suppose I do with the Juggler too, but over a longer timespan -- like say a week and a half.

I think the thing that makes me look fondly on monogamy is the dailyness of it, having someone to share little incidents with when you get home. It's always the same person, and so they have a larger context. Now, I know that that doesn't happen every day in a live-in monogamous relationship, but most days you get a little time to talk.

I don't know if there's something really wrong with me that I'd like to get in contact with the guy for a second and see where he is/how he's doing/when he'll be home, or if it's fairly normal. I mean, we do still sleep in the same bed, and I do think it's quite acceptable for me to want to know if he will be home tonight at all. I'm not sure where the limit on that is, though, where the marker between night and morning is.

Oh, man, this feels crappy. Does anyone have a hug to spare?

Comments

Hug

[dunfalach.livejournal.com]

You know me pretty well, so I'll just be straight forward. You know I can't approve of that lifestyle. But as a friend, I am sorry you're hurting and confused. So you do get a hug.

At the risk of getting whacked by others, I don't think there's anything wrong with the desire towards monogamy. It's the design you were built for, after all.

One of the reasons God specified one man, one woman, for life was to create just that dependability and relationship that he designed humans to need. Doesn't mean we don't screw it up; humans aren't perfect. But the emotional commitments involved were meant to be experienced in the safety of a lifetime commitment of marriage. There's a level of commitment in a properly formed marriage that no other relationship can touch.

I find myself wondering if I should email this instead. May cause myself a firestorm. But at any rate, you have a hug from a friend I think you know does love you. You know where to find me if you need to.

Re: Hug

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do know you feel that way. I don't share those beliefs right now, and I guess more for the benefit of the readers: I don't mind you reminding me about them every once in awhile. I do appreciate that you want me to be happy, and I do expect my journal to be a civil place without flamewars and what have you. I'm pretty optimistic in that my friends, if nothing else, will respect this wish of mine in what I consider to be 'my space' in the 'net.

Anyhow, thanks for the hug. ;)

Re: Hug

[wik.livejournal.com]

*insert whack here*

Re: Hug

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

...no whacking off on my journal?

O;)