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greenstormWell, this is difficult, amd I'm doing okay with it. I'm still living with the guy, as I get together money enough to move out, and he's not really beholden to me anymore. Still, it's very difficult for me four hours after I expect him back, with his cellphone off, and no idea from this morning that he would be anywhere. It's just hard for me.
I guess in general not being able to get in touch with someone's hard for me -- I called the Juggler Tuesday, and didn't get my call returned that time either, though I did manage to get a hold of him today for a bit.
This is growing up, right? Knowing that in an emergency there might be absolutely no one you can contact?
It's funny, because my relationship with Mouse is in a lot of ways less trusting or less stable, but I do trust her to do things like return my calls. I suppose I do with the Juggler too, but over a longer timespan -- like say a week and a half.
I think the thing that makes me look fondly on monogamy is the dailyness of it, having someone to share little incidents with when you get home. It's always the same person, and so they have a larger context. Now, I know that that doesn't happen every day in a live-in monogamous relationship, but most days you get a little time to talk.
I don't know if there's something really wrong with me that I'd like to get in contact with the guy for a second and see where he is/how he's doing/when he'll be home, or if it's fairly normal. I mean, we do still sleep in the same bed, and I do think it's quite acceptable for me to want to know if he will be home tonight at all. I'm not sure where the limit on that is, though, where the marker between night and morning is.
Oh, man, this feels crappy. Does anyone have a hug to spare?
I guess in general not being able to get in touch with someone's hard for me -- I called the Juggler Tuesday, and didn't get my call returned that time either, though I did manage to get a hold of him today for a bit.
This is growing up, right? Knowing that in an emergency there might be absolutely no one you can contact?
It's funny, because my relationship with Mouse is in a lot of ways less trusting or less stable, but I do trust her to do things like return my calls. I suppose I do with the Juggler too, but over a longer timespan -- like say a week and a half.
I think the thing that makes me look fondly on monogamy is the dailyness of it, having someone to share little incidents with when you get home. It's always the same person, and so they have a larger context. Now, I know that that doesn't happen every day in a live-in monogamous relationship, but most days you get a little time to talk.
I don't know if there's something really wrong with me that I'd like to get in contact with the guy for a second and see where he is/how he's doing/when he'll be home, or if it's fairly normal. I mean, we do still sleep in the same bed, and I do think it's quite acceptable for me to want to know if he will be home tonight at all. I'm not sure where the limit on that is, though, where the marker between night and morning is.
Oh, man, this feels crappy. Does anyone have a hug to spare?
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Being there ~~
Date: 2004-05-21 10:38 am (UTC)I am so sorry you are missing this contact in your life, this closeness. We all need it I think, to one degree or another.
I think you are right in seeing polyamorous relationships as missing that degree of closeness more often than mono relationships do. That certainly contributed to the dissolution of the triad I was last in.
I've been working this very issue over in my brain alot since then. I think it does not have to be that way. There is certainly nothing that prevents the daily, satisfying closeness in a poly relationship. It's just not predicated the way it is in a mono relationship. That's ok, just means it needs to be approached with energy and passion if it is an important thing to you. I know it certainly is worth it for me (next time, next time).
Having been in a mono relationship I can say that the assumption of daily close contact can have as many downfalls as having to work for it. There is the danger of taking that time for granted. At not really sharing or risking oneself with a partner, thinking 'There's always tomorrow.'
I like the idea of looking for it, working for it, and finding people to be with who will honor that and return the calls, hold hands, take risks... be there.
And that's my wish and hug for you.
luck to you!
hedge