Cloudy Days
Jun. 10th, 2003 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormThe sun's gone and with it any sort of manic energy wellbeing. I've settled into being comfortable now despite the kind of weird circumstances that I find myself in.
The Juggler's bringing a friend from work home today and the Other Woman's out, so I've been picking up around the house just a little. Puttering, mostly, digging used condom wrappers out of the sofa, folding blankets, putting things away when I know where they go. It's a relaxing sort of way to be, and it's nice just to put things straight unhurriedly. The Juggler isn't out to his work people, so if the SO and I are still here when he gets home I'll need to act innocent, or at least hopeless.
Maybe hopeful? ;)
Bah. Entertaining as it would be I don't think it would make anyone else very happy to mess with that. Alas for growing up and having to be responsible and stuff.
I've been messing with some concepts lately, relationship-wise. It's occurred to me that intensity and depth of relationship has nothing to do with the per day sort of time commitment of the relationship and that in turn has nothing to do with the permanency commitment in the relationship.
A number of factors have brought that one up. I've sort of realised, what with the scattering of things that's resulted in my not really having a primary right now, that what I want from a relationship is a sense of permanency. When I say I want a committed relationship that's to a large extent what I mean; the other cluster of my relationship needs seems to float around making the relationship more reliable/permanent in the sense that it's mostly tool-building for long term relationships.
That's probably been tripping me up quite a bit recently. Commitment is a very confusing word. I'd tried using 'commitment to X' before, but I like the idea of splitting it up into things like permanency and emotional support and daily reliability better. It just pulls fewer strings. It has fewer connotations and is less likely to get confused with things like exclusivity and permission/ownership.
It's both interesting and scary to realise that maybe I don't want One Relationship and some side stuff, but that instead I like a scattering with the idea that they're all there long term but that one can do things like take breaks, go one a month's vacation without offending anyone... hmm. I'm running out of words but there are a lot of concept-images floating around that surround tis still. Practically it's not all that different, but I do feel like I'm standing taller and more independently. It's not a bad feeling and it's especially good when I'm lonely -- I don't feel like someone's let me down, I just feel lonely which is okay.
But enough of this. I need a nap again (grilling chicken at 2:30 am was fun, but leaves little in the way of sleep time) and I'm curious about this book. It's called The Skies of Pern, Anne McCaffery, and it's a really terrible book. I like a lot of hers but this one's... just terrible, heavy-handed and obvious like a bad fanfic. I don't think I'll finish it but I want to see if it gets better.
Take care.
The Juggler's bringing a friend from work home today and the Other Woman's out, so I've been picking up around the house just a little. Puttering, mostly, digging used condom wrappers out of the sofa, folding blankets, putting things away when I know where they go. It's a relaxing sort of way to be, and it's nice just to put things straight unhurriedly. The Juggler isn't out to his work people, so if the SO and I are still here when he gets home I'll need to act innocent, or at least hopeless.
Maybe hopeful? ;)
Bah. Entertaining as it would be I don't think it would make anyone else very happy to mess with that. Alas for growing up and having to be responsible and stuff.
I've been messing with some concepts lately, relationship-wise. It's occurred to me that intensity and depth of relationship has nothing to do with the per day sort of time commitment of the relationship and that in turn has nothing to do with the permanency commitment in the relationship.
A number of factors have brought that one up. I've sort of realised, what with the scattering of things that's resulted in my not really having a primary right now, that what I want from a relationship is a sense of permanency. When I say I want a committed relationship that's to a large extent what I mean; the other cluster of my relationship needs seems to float around making the relationship more reliable/permanent in the sense that it's mostly tool-building for long term relationships.
That's probably been tripping me up quite a bit recently. Commitment is a very confusing word. I'd tried using 'commitment to X' before, but I like the idea of splitting it up into things like permanency and emotional support and daily reliability better. It just pulls fewer strings. It has fewer connotations and is less likely to get confused with things like exclusivity and permission/ownership.
It's both interesting and scary to realise that maybe I don't want One Relationship and some side stuff, but that instead I like a scattering with the idea that they're all there long term but that one can do things like take breaks, go one a month's vacation without offending anyone... hmm. I'm running out of words but there are a lot of concept-images floating around that surround tis still. Practically it's not all that different, but I do feel like I'm standing taller and more independently. It's not a bad feeling and it's especially good when I'm lonely -- I don't feel like someone's let me down, I just feel lonely which is okay.
But enough of this. I need a nap again (grilling chicken at 2:30 am was fun, but leaves little in the way of sleep time) and I'm curious about this book. It's called The Skies of Pern, Anne McCaffery, and it's a really terrible book. I like a lot of hers but this one's... just terrible, heavy-handed and obvious like a bad fanfic. I don't think I'll finish it but I want to see if it gets better.
Take care.
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-11 01:16 am (UTC)Enders Game was a great book - I haven't read it in years though. Time for a trip to the used bookstore for the two of them!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-11 10:23 am (UTC)But Ender's Shadow was great. I loved Virlomi.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-11 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-11 04:56 pm (UTC)So if you read them awhile ago it's not that you missed them, it's that they've come out since.
I won't even start on the plots -- that's for realtime communication.