Greenstorm's Journal

Pause. Breathe. Look inward. Focus on yourself. The time for motion is not now.

It feels overwhelming. Everything seems terrible. Map your thought patterns, turn it to every facet, and you can find new and better ways of thinking about it and eventually moving.

Your body is held and loved by the world. It gives so much richness, and it gives what you need: food and garden and pork and medical care and space to live.

This is a real death, and it will require a real rebirth. There may be connections that can survive the journey. It's a thing I've done before and I can do it again.

Then it will be time to build the next life. Anchor expectations and hopes in the real. Don't allow myself to accept what's not there because I want it. Make ambitions concrete and achievable.

Pan says that I've used civilization as a tool until it's become a trap for me. This isn't my face and it's not where I belong. Return to where I belong. I know who I am. I'm just not doing it.

Regret. Grieve. Leave attachments that are too painful. Move on. Move on. Move on. It's real. Move on.

(I've been here and alive for so long without a rebirth. It's hard)