Greenstorm's Journal

I won't, since I'm not entirely in my right mind with some medication stuff happening. But:

This has been a year of tremendous loss for me. Not just the loss of a planned community and a partner, but also of a lot of trust in people: trust that folks who love me, care about me, and relate with me will tell me what's going on. I think I've been deliberately misdirected, withheld from, and lied to more in this last year or two by people I love than at least I ever figured out before, about anything except poly (I have come to expect to be lied to and withheld information from in the beginnings of someone's poly journey).

That is pretty dark. We'll see if it survives the light of whatever comes once my body has some sort of chemical adjustment.

On the other hand, this is the year I really get my 12-year-old self back, with my joys and my interests. That means a lot. I have bags of seeds that I grew. Today I wore clothes I made and snuggled with my animals.

People show up in a kind of attenuated way; not with deep intimacy, but certainly with care. There is, after everything, no one who feels truly safe and comfortable to talk to. There are people who we enjoy being around each other. My foot in the human world is light sometimes, and it feels strange.

I've come to extra value my mom. She is still there. Who knew she'd be the last one standing? Actually, no, she's always been the last one standing. She's too stubborn to go down. I guess we share that.

Tonight I'll draw a card, or some cards, from my deck in observation of the human new year. I'll drink some water and sleep. Tonight I can't see the future beyond that.

 It's Lughnasadh, day of first fruits. Every year I don't think I'm going to get any fruit, it seems way too early. Every year I am wrong.

Last year I'd had my first tomato by this time and this year I have only had my green grocery store cherry tomatoes. 

I had a big bowl of saskatoons yesterday, the bushes are literally bent double under the weight of berries. I pickled the cereal bowl full in a few minutes and the bush looks untouched. I have a bunch of saskatoon bushes around here but this one, my favourite, provides enough for the freezer on its own.

I picked a couple of the first raspberries today, this year, despite not doing any pruning last year at all so there were dead canes, some single year canes, and a whole ton of this year's canes all mixed up together and bending over. It looks like there'll be a decent harvest of them after all.

I've been eating lettuce salads since the lamb's quarters finished, though I am still terrible at making viniagrettes. Josh is an artist with them and I just cannot get the delicacy they need for fresh homegrown lettuce. Today's salad had some of that very nice chard (I only like chard without offensive stalks, which means "perpetual spinach" or biatola e costa) and some oxeye daisy flowers and some chive seeds.

Most importantly to this time of year, I've sorted out some planning on the woody perennial part of the garden just off the house, and put in the remaining apple tree and some accompanying grapes, with spots roughed out for the haskap, a kiwi (issai), some sour cherries, gooseberries, and the roses. With a bow towards Hestia as home and hearth I'm centering the backbone of the gardens in rings on the garden firepit (apple trees in a 36' ring) and on the chimney/woodstove. If I put a bonfire ring in the back the third ring will center on it. 

This doesn't mean a solid ring of trees, but it means that an arc of apple trees punctuated with taller cherries along the south of the property will shade the south side of the garden from south sun and then with raspberries underplanted shade the house from west sun, will part to let the drive run through, and then either spiral out into the plum trees or just continue along the edge of the plum bed. Within that some arcs of roses, inside the fence of the inner garden, will screen the more private area there. 

Running a ring off the chimney will be a little more challenging that running one off the firepit, but I can probably use my work laser for that.

Spent a ton of time this weekend moving the sprinkler around for the garden and being super exhausted. Will make a separate post about corn etc.