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I've been mostly up north for five years. During most of this time most of my romantic partners have lived far away, and often very far away (12 hour drive). It's become more familiar and comfortable than the long-distance relationships I had way back when. It's also become a little less distinct from close-by relationships: since it isn't really a goal for me to live close to partners we still need to sort out how often we'll phone/text etc, and how often we'll visit. Long-distance visitors stay for longer and visit more seldom, usually.
When Josh visited last he brought me some fish that he'd caught-- black cod, the result of several years of planning for him. Yesterday we agreed on a recipe (miso-mirin) and put the fish in to marinade in the morning, then cooked it while putting together some rice (& hollandaise and asparagus for me, and a salad for him) over video. Then we sat down over video and ate together. We could talk about cooking technique, his trip to get the fish, and normal dinnertime conversation. The dish was a good fit because it required minimal time to cook, most of the prep was done beforehand, but it was still interesting.
I really enjoyed that. I love cooking with my loved ones. I was feeling a little bit shaky -- he's starting a relationship with someone who was already a problematic metamour -- and that rooted us into a good, familiar, intimate space. Plus, unlike in person, we could give each other plant tours after dinner.
In a couple months he'll be in Arizona at least 3 weeks per month for at least two years, probably more until the covid situation sorts. I already miss him a lot and suspect I'll miss him more. I'm going to be sad and jealous when he doesn't choose to come up and see me during his time back. Neither of us knows what coming out the other side of this will look like.
But.
We've gone from a weekend relationship to living together to seeing each other a time or two a year. There is hope or expectation that at some point our lives will permit us a little more time together. If I move he's going to come build something with me so that, like now, when I look out the window of my home I can see projects we made together. It's hard but it's really good.
And I know he won't give me up for anyone.
Here's to more video dinners to come. I think next time we might do ma po tofu with the ground pork I sent back with him.
When Josh visited last he brought me some fish that he'd caught-- black cod, the result of several years of planning for him. Yesterday we agreed on a recipe (miso-mirin) and put the fish in to marinade in the morning, then cooked it while putting together some rice (& hollandaise and asparagus for me, and a salad for him) over video. Then we sat down over video and ate together. We could talk about cooking technique, his trip to get the fish, and normal dinnertime conversation. The dish was a good fit because it required minimal time to cook, most of the prep was done beforehand, but it was still interesting.
I really enjoyed that. I love cooking with my loved ones. I was feeling a little bit shaky -- he's starting a relationship with someone who was already a problematic metamour -- and that rooted us into a good, familiar, intimate space. Plus, unlike in person, we could give each other plant tours after dinner.
In a couple months he'll be in Arizona at least 3 weeks per month for at least two years, probably more until the covid situation sorts. I already miss him a lot and suspect I'll miss him more. I'm going to be sad and jealous when he doesn't choose to come up and see me during his time back. Neither of us knows what coming out the other side of this will look like.
But.
We've gone from a weekend relationship to living together to seeing each other a time or two a year. There is hope or expectation that at some point our lives will permit us a little more time together. If I move he's going to come build something with me so that, like now, when I look out the window of my home I can see projects we made together. It's hard but it's really good.
And I know he won't give me up for anyone.
Here's to more video dinners to come. I think next time we might do ma po tofu with the ground pork I sent back with him.
